My Greastest Burden

2007-01-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

stemme.livejournal.com

rolling rolling rolling

2006-12-13T23:13:00.000+08:00

Rolling rolling rolling

HELLO. My quatz are aching, can't walk down the stairs, almost rolled down just now and mum thought i was crazy, screaming and all. Put up the christmas tree :) Yay. Although there are still zero presents under the tree. But hey! Thats not the spirit! Bought a few presents today, but i have yet to wrap them. Yay.

SO after training today, Ama, Dipna and I went to causeway and... bought bubble tea. Haha, then we went to Standard Photo and printed a picture to test it out, haha so fun! Kiddy Palace! (looks at ama and dipna) haha. Then we brainstormed and shopped for presents, then went back to standard photo and printed more pictures which all turned out really nice!! :) Yay. Think we are like going to go back there or somethin!

Anyway, On monday went to Kuehs house, before that we went for dinner at Stone Grill. So cool okay, but cos it was my first time there she was laughing at me cos i didnt know what to do. And the waiter was like "Mam, i assume its your first time here" hahaha. After that went over to her house and watched So you think you can dance, and Ivan and Alison were amazing! After eating lots of chocolate that i stole from her fridge( her mum bought me more today btw, haha), we just hung out and then had camera war! Cos she borrowed this mega cool pro looking camera from her meighbour! Haha. So fun!

Okay, training at Gombak tomorrow!
NIGHT!

Stay Together

2006-12-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

Stay Together

Here are pictures from a few days. There's just too much to write! Maybe when i'm not too lazy!
AMMARRRRRRRR !! :)

MAROON
Love you guys.
Emma, Nas, Faisal,
Ruriko,Kenta, Prakiti,Khalid,Vesnav,Kalyan,Jing,Val,

Naruki, Sara, Maryam, Arisa, Nabihah, Hanisah, Jun Hao, Ammar

YOUTH CAMP, DOHA 2006
Always and Forever

<3

Maroon 8 and great

2006-12-09T15:28:00.000+08:00

Maroon, 8 and great

zuto tomodachi

What you miss the most doesn't count

2006-11-27T12:25:00.000+08:00

What you miss the most doesn't count
it doesn't even exist

HELLO! I'm home! Yay! For like another 12 hours at least, and then it's off to the land of sand for 2 whole weeks, Doha! Gosh, two weeks feels like forever, and i have yet to pack and.. ahhhh, :( :( :( :( :(.

P.S : Sorry people who called or msg-ed, i didn't bring my phone with me.

Missing and Forgetting

2006-11-21T21:12:00.000+08:00

Missing and forgetting

Hi! Hello! It's day 2 of new training and i am still alive! And so is Dipna, Ama and Alicia! Yay us!
Someone told me to try and make the best out of it, so thats what i am going to try to do.. Oh well. Negative and negative makes positive! Yay.

Sooooo... i was walking to the 901 bus stop after school today on that long almost never-ending path, and there was lighting, and like a split second after.. BOOM! Thunder. I know, how scary right. It was so loud.

HAHAHAHAHA.

Mooooorning training tomorrow! And then p6 camp and then nothing to do, die of boredom and then afternoon training and then ben and tim emcee (yay can't wait) and then dance, and then sleep walk to the 901 bus stop, sleep on 966, and sleep walk home.

p.s: Tim and ben, you guys are gonna be great!

LOVES.

The weight of your words

2006-11-20T22:41:00.000+08:00

The weight of your words

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when Y
ou think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

FAITH

2006-11-19T07:15:00.000+08:00

Faith

I'm confirmed! YAY.

Smile empty soul

2006-11-16T21:00:00.000+08:00

Smile empty soul

People change. Feelings change. Paths change. Lives change.

Just what i need

2006-11-13T21:24:00.000+08:00

Nothing but an empty seat

Watched 10 things i hate about you for the like billion-th time today, just love that show. Watching spiderman 2 now cos its showin on HBO. :D
Training wasnt very good today, stopped at half. Think tomorrow is Coach's last day training us, it feels too fast, time just flies, can't believe it. Sigh.. Oh well. Soo tired. Tomorrow is the Athlete send off thing at ITE east, dont know how it's going to be, and it's gonna end pretty late too. Oh well.

So yesterday was coach's thing, and even though he cancelled in the morning, and i was stressed all day, grew like 50 more white hairs ( not like i dont have enough already), and gave him 32 missed calls.. it turned out fine! haha, he came after all, we managed to get him! And although it was only the girls and parents, calvin and yusof came after, so everyone was there. :) Yay! And we got a team picture and and and... he loved the watch! :D And.. the food was great.. i ate ALOT. now i know why...

SO sad... She agreed to marry that John guy, and now spiderman is so sad. Why'd she say yes.. even though i know she and him get together in the end, but still.. haha oh well.

OKAY. i'm going. bye!

If only you knew how it feels, you would take back what you said

A doll left on a shelf

2006-11-11T22:05:00.000+08:00

Like a doll left on a shelf

HELLO! :D The concert went well, except for the spoilt chicken dance song that shocked the PN and N1 kids and made some of them cry. Other than that it was really nice, the bright costumes and everything

Trained this morning with Alicia and Balpreet, and after that i had to leave like immediately to rush down to the venue, they gave us a day room free and the bathroom is beautiful, so i was smiling to myself while showering even though i knew it was a once in a life time thing. Oh well.. Was like in the room by myself so i just tried to entertain myself. To like open and close the curtains you like press this button which says open or close.. so i just like kept pressing open and then close till i got bored.. which was pretty long cos it was so cool and i'd never seen anything like it.

Then i sat lunchless at the reception asking every parent that walked by or came up to say hi to write their names on the card for the lucky draw. Hur hur. I was so tempted to put my own name in, but i know i have never and will never win a lucky draw, it just never happens to me.. Haha.

Eddie turns 23!! :D went for dinner with the lot and we bought a chocolate overload ice cream cake for him! So yummy, but it was super small and yet more than enough for 12 people. Haha.. Okay. Now i'm hooome. And i'm tired... but it's only ten.. OH! ONE TREE HILL! Winks at nessa Worhx.

BYE!

I don't love you like i loved you yesterday

Bored

2006-11-09T11:42:00.000+08:00

So she sailed away

I'm Bored, i'm bored im bored. No sports science after Glass painting, so i'm doing nothing, in the sdc.. and i'm bored bored bored... Wanna go home.. but i live pretty far away. I'm sure he knew there were a billion faster ways to get to woodlands, he didnt have to bring me around the whole of Singapore before finally finding the highway route he took 20mins to find when we could have been on one in 5. i would have been early for school.. but then i was late... Urgh.

And i am still oh so bored, and i want to watch Step Up.

The OC is back! Yay! :) Although the episodes now are sad, but they will get better! They just have to!

The weight of your words

2006-11-07T09:25:00.000+08:00

The weight of your words

I'm not feeling well, so i didnt go to school today.. Everyone in my family is sleeping although they have work, so my sister is therefore late, naughty her.. Hopefully i'll be well enough to go for training later, but only if dad allows me to go. Yesterday was alright, felt like training took forever to start, i was like stoning in the SDC, cos they were watching discovery channel, and i dont watch the discovery channel, and the rest were playing icy tower on the computer, so i decided to give it a try and of cos i failed tremendously.. Think i made the record of fastest to die player or something..

Nicole fell asleep on thea carpet, and then left me at 3 plus.. Haha, i only got the tv at 330, but i just had to fall sleep on the couch.. At first we were both like lying on the carpet making a fool out of ourselves cos no one was listening to us at all.. Then we slowly became depressed and she fell asleep.. Haha. OH well. We took many stupid pictures.. Haha oh nicole, remember the girls at Gelare the last time? hahahaa. so Funny.

Anyway! O-level'ers! All the best! I know 2 papers are over.. but its not too late! Haha.. Do your best. Loves! Cheryl.. you FRIGGIN rock la.. Haha! Okay. Bye everybody.. I'm so bored and my head is spinning, and im hungry too, and mtv keeps playing chinese songs. Bye LA.

The girl from back then

2006-11-06T22:01:00.000+08:00

The girl from back then

The girl from back then would never give up, she would never let go, she would never cry, and she would never allow anyone to take her dreams from her..and most importantly...
The girl from back then would never lose her way.

I see a girl from now that has lost her way..

Just a series of blues

2006-11-05T18:10:00.000+08:00

Just a series of blues

"if you just hold on, find the courage to face it all another day, someone or something will find you and make it all ok. Cos we all need a little help sometimes, Someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you."

Do it for me now

2006-11-04T21:53:00.000+08:00

Just do it for me now

Hello! Today was pretty fun. Haha, woke up early and went to Four seasons to watch the kids reherse cos i had nothing to do, and if i went i got breakfast! Bagels :) They all look so cute.
Went to Gigi's place after, her house is so nice :), lots of wedding pictures all around. It's really very nice. Then came home and waited for the arrival of Nicole and Sophie, and once they got here, haha.. we just had alot of fun..haha. then Sophie and I left for Parkway to eat dinner. We ate at Mos, yeah i know, what a surprise. haha.. then we went to andersons and had really yummy ice cream, and it's called strawberry farm, so its like served with strawberries, and chocolate, really nice. Good choice. Well done. So now i'm home and i'm watching the perfect man. Watched Confessions of the teenage drama queen just now.. Gosh.

Have the retreat thing tomorrow, sigh. I've already gone for one, now i gotta go for another one in a church where i dont know anyone and where they are all adults. Oh well.. hope the time will pass really fast. Tim, i'm real sorry if i miss your confirmation, but we're there with you, in your heart, always.
Hahaha.

Okay. I'm just going to keep watching tv now. And also cos my computers battery is dying and i'm to lazy to get up and get the charger. So Bye!

2006-11-03T20:59:00.000+08:00

someone once told me that love can't save us

He wants it all

2006-10-31T21:59:00.000+08:00

He won't stop till he's had it all

The Guardian is an excellent show! It's amazing.. it's so real, and putting aside the fact the Ahston Kutcher looked super hot in the movie, he displayed some really good acting, amazing infact.. it was really real.. so real. So sad too, and moving and like inspirational too.. I would conclude that it is the best movie of the year.

Everything she believed in

2006-10-30T21:14:00.000+08:00

Everything she believed in

Oh gosh. Today was a SHIT day. The ultimate shit-tiest day ever. And so at 820 the shit day began. Fought with my dad so.. i had to get out of the car and take a taxi.. and of course i was late for assembly... so i got a white card :( First white card ever, never planned on getting one. But i guess..we were meant to be.. lesson finished in 30mins, so i had nothing to do until 4, cos that's when training starts. So Nicole and I were dying of boredom... and i had a horrible headache.. it was soooooo bad. My feet hurt, i want a foot massage. Ahhh... kill me now.

SCREEEEEAM.

The moon just won't shine

2006-10-27T22:22:00.000+08:00

The moon just won't shine

Helloo.. Had morning training again today, third day in a row i woke up at 520! And the worst part is that snoozing was almost impossible. Oh well, at least thats over, for now. Had media studies today, then left school at 12, super boring. Nicole and Sophie's not here, so i'm sooo lonely la. Haha.. Went to the childcare, had lunch and helped out with the photoshoot, it was so nice, all of them in their pink and blue. So cute, but two of the kids got like so scared of the photographer cos she was making like weird sounds to get their attention, and they started crying. so cute, But.. the pictures were really very very nice. Yay. and Dana was reeeally naughty today.

Came home.. watched Tv.. slept for a while, watched Tv again, The notebook was on HBO.. and then Constantine too, and Open water is so scary okay. Shit man, so i watched like abit, oh and Pimp my ride too, but the car wasnt like VERY nice. Then Mummy came home. Yay. And we went to Parkway, Kartini for dinner. Then we went for a foot massage. Hahah. I fell asleep and didnt want to get up. It was so comfortable. Now i'm home. And bored shit.

Thats the sad, boring, story of my life. Mahaha..Yay. Okay, lala, i guess i'll go now.. See ya. :)

There are more than 10 things i hate about you. I'm sure of it.

Reason to believe

2006-10-23T22:01:00.000+08:00

A reason to believe

Hello. Oh gosh, The Prestige is a really good show, although it made me think like crazy, scream and go OH MY GOSH...YA!! So many times.... It was still, is still really good. So many twists and confusions, one minute i'm like Ohhh, next minute i'm like HUH, wth!? But it's good, but quite scary, with like the hanging and all, shit man. Ate like 2 desserts today ok.. yes people, scream fat..

Haha, Sophie and I had our must have waffles :) with chocolate overload, (there wasnt cookie dough today) :(. But the waffles were seriously extra excellent today! Then we walked around for like ever, discussing what to do for my mum's birthday, and came up with the most brilliant idea ever! :D haha.. Okay. Yay.

Then we watched THE movie. hahaha. Oh gosh, i'm still stressing over it okay, I'm like oh my gosh, oh my gosh, ya ya ya. Haha, so fun, we were talking about it non stop after the show while eating mos burger :) on the steps outside cos it was way to cold inside and we were freeeeeezing. But after the burger, we were obviously still hungry, so we decided to be brave and go back in, to try the cheesecake i claimed was simply the best! (and i was right btw) hahaha YAY! Sophie loved it :) see see see, the best! :D So that was dessert number 2, haha.

Then we made lots of funny faces, laughed our heads off and left! Haha, so fun! :D
Okay, Bye bye.

Run far from me

2006-10-21T19:44:00.000+08:00

Run far from me
and take the dreams.

All of it.

I'll scream with you

2006-10-20T22:51:00.000+08:00

I'll scream with you

Nats colours were today, was so nervous man, walking up stage and then down is nerve wrecking, anyway after we got our certs and took the pictures (that dipna and i tried our best to hide from, but failed) we attacked the fruit tarts! HAHA. So fun. Then we left..

SOOO tired, but we have rest tomorrow! Can sleeeep. AHHHHH.
Dont know anymore. Dont know. Dont know

Where are yooooou?

We didn't swim today, haha. Jogged on the threadmill, stupid shit. Wanted to break the damn threadmill, but obviously i can't. And my stomach was hurting like hell. Then we had macs, and we took a bus, no actually two buses to Ngee Ann Poly. Oh and my camera was freaking useless la, battery was like dead. Oh, and my seat was right in front. Ok one row from the front to be exact, B42, and it was super boring cos i was sitting next to someone who i didnt know at all, but at least i had Jazreel in front of me, think i like whined a billion times about how nervous i was, even when we were lining up getting ready to go in. Ahh..

We did groceries today :) Yay, Ate pastamania, and.. oh wait thats all, Nono, and garlic bread! I didnt order Spicy Chicken without peas people! Hahaha. Arent you proud of me? yay. okay.. Im so tired. Last day of school hols today. The week went past so fast, it's crazy.

let me feel i dont't care if i break down
let me fall even if i hit the ground.
I wanna be somebody..
that can face the things that i've been running from

Feel my little world

2006-10-18T19:17:00.000+08:00

Feel my little world

Hello! Training was okay today, haha, except for the stupid haze, which by the way wasnt so bad today. We went swimming again after training, it has become like an everyday thing now. Haha, it's alright, just so troublesome with the whole going to the toilet and changing part.. anyway, after training, i cabbed down to The Cathay, okay this is gonna sound damn loser-ish, but HAHA, my first time there. But but, It was Nicole's first time there too! :D Today was full of firsts! Haha

So we wanted to watch The Guardian.. but the earliest show was at.. 430? Yeah, so that was too late, and Scoop was like 530. So we decided to walk to Plaza Sing. Haha. Oh oh! Then we went to eat Ben and Jerry's! And guess what, it was Nicoles first! Haha, i'm so honoured to be the one to share that special moment with her, tear. Okay, with excellent tasting ice cream in the cups in our hands, we walked to plaza sing and settled for Scoop at 215..

Did not like the movie, i mean it was alright, but pretty boring, Nicole almost fell asleep, according to her! Haha, But Hugh Jackman is so tall! And so hot. Scarlett Johanson is sooo lucky..

Then we headed down to Vivo City, cos Nicole was going to meet her sister there, and... that was my first time there! Haha, see, another first! :D Okay anyway, the place is cool, i mean with all my fav shops like next to each other, but seriously, the place gives me a terrible headache, with half the population of Singapore in the mall, i mean, my head was spinning. however! The Topshop is HUGE! and perfect, but we did not get to go in cos they closed at 5, had some dinner thing. But its so big.. :D Yay. So putting that aside, we decided to go to harbour front centre where it's so much more peaceful and had Macs. And now i'm home, while poor Nicole has to go back into Vivo City and go into the shops filled with people, carrying her heavy bag on one shoulder. Poor girl. Haha. Hope you had fun! Ha ha ha.

Didn't go to the Childcare in the afternoon, but i heard they practiced so much today! And when i finally went at 7, Dana was leaving and so cranky and eager to go home, screaming DADDY from the gate. Haha oh well, i'm going tomorrow! Yay. Day went pretty well, until The Call at like sixish, damn man, one table 2 chairs and a bowl!? Shit, it doesnt sound good, at all. I'm worried shit. :'(

Let the waves crash

2006-10-17T18:23:00.000+08:00

Never leave your heart alone

EDIT :)

Hello. Haha. Had training today, and it was not a squeeze morning and afternoon session together day, yay. However, we did jog in the gym, haha, on the threadmill, staring out at what could have been and with moving cars as our form of entertainment, cos you really could not hear the music you know, it was so soft. haha. Anyway, threadmill jogging takes forever ok, and when you get down its like you become all giddy and walking is so easy, cos this time you control the ground, and not the groud controlling you. Haha , ah whatever. Then we went swimming!

ok.. took the bus home! Yay, but im not sure if the ride was long or short, at first i was like.. Oh gosh, why is this taking so looong, and then when the bus was turning into Eunos, i was like whoa, so fast. Haha.. Ohkay. Made my way to the childcare, starving to death, and still without food in my stomach, helped out with the primary school kids, and then went to lunch! Yay, food! :D Prawns Beef and Chicken! and Rice! Yay!

Oh my gosh the kids are so cute! They know the high school musical steps so well okay, it's amazing, and their all like singing away, and having so much fun, and they are so good! They hardly had to be taught the steps and they were like dancing away. So cool. Haha. Dana is so sweet today, unlike yesterday when she was so sangry, screaming,and frowning. She's actually smiling when you ask her to take a picture! she usually hates pictures! Haha, yay! So nice. And she smiles the cutest smile ever ok. Dana playing doctor now! :D Haha.

Now everyone's cooled down, resting from all the dancing they've been doin all day. And you'd never guess what they're watching... haha, come on.. take a guess... high school musical! Haha! :D

After!
Went to Marina Square for dinner! :D Think that is going to be mum's new favourite place which is a plus for us cos everything is there! Everything, haahaha. Oh, and i have blisters :( they're really painful. Ate YUMMY cheesecake, it was really good man. MMmm. Okay, i'm going to sleep now. Today wasnt such a bad day, although i'm pretty pissed right now, but screw that. Anyway, today was much better than sittin in front of the Tv all day! :D BYE!

DANA!

Nothing is forever

2006-10-13T21:33:00.000+08:00

Behold, the truth.

Isn't this exactly where you'd like me..?
I'M EXACTLY WHERE YOU'D LIKE ME,
you know?
Now ask me....
ask me, where I'D like to be.
ask, and IGNORE.

Ah Kong is Sleeping..

2006-10-12T20:01:00.000+08:00

Ah Kong is sleeping...

Yeah, as far as she knows.. ah kong, is just sleeping. "bye bye ah kong.." "love you.."
and then he's gone.. without a word back..
ERGH.

Survived 8x300m today. Haha, okay, so it doesnt sound that bad, but oh.. ha ha ha.. super tiring day today, slept on the bus, slept on the bus again, slept in the sdc, sleep sleep sleep. gotta wake up at 520 again tomorrow.

Snoozee.... Snoozee..

Ahh, i wanna sleep in, or maybe sleep all day.. like wake up a few times to watch tv then sleep again.. Aah..

Okay, nothing else to blog about.

The sad story of my life.
Wee..

Your heart is an empty room

2006-09-30T01:06:00.000+08:00

your heart is an empty room

HELLO. I hate today too. YAY.
It's 1 in the morning, and i'm still awake, i'm impressed. Haha..
My back and hamstrings are aching like crap..
and i can't sleep. Why can't i sleep!?

AHHHHH.

Training was okay, had a lactate? lactic? test. Haha, yeah. AHhh.. The blood was oozing out of that little prick, leaving a pool of blood on the floor. Haha... Ya right. Went to the school after training, Dana finished an entire big packet of cheezels by herself! Okay, she gave a FEW pieces here and there, but still! That girl sure can eat, i mean once that was done, it was on to honey stars and milk. Haha. : )

Helped Mum set up the place for tomorrow, gotta head down straight after training. Youth Mass is tomorrow, think i might be going, going to see juice again after so long. Yay. Supposed to have a f.r.i.e.n.d.s marathon tomorrow, wonder how thats gonna work out. Haha. Kids gonna have a fancy dress contest tomorrow! Gonna be so fun and they are gonna look so adorable. Yay. I should sleep. But i can't.

A you and me house> :) haha. The song is so cute. Treehouse by I'm from Barcelona.. I have built a treehouse. Nobody can see us, it's a you and me house.. lalala. So cute.

Ate Yummy pizza yesterday. MMmmm. And Ice cream called just chocolate. "so what flavour ice cream do you like" ... "Oh just chocolate" haha, and we walk in and ... there is the ice cream called JUST CHOCOLATE staring right at us. Haha, so fun.

OOoohhhkay. Gooooooooooooooooodbye.

P.s( Nicoco),
Oooooooooh nicoooooooooole aka tough shit,... my hopes weren't so high after all! :D Wink Wink WOrXxX

I'm lovin angels instead

2006-09-27T18:32:00.000+08:00

I'm loving angels instead

I'm the most intelligent person in the world okay.. my jacket, juice, 7D dried mangos, and ALL my money and my Ez-link card all dropped in my dads car on the way to school.. (no idea how that hapened)
Therefore, i froze to death in the com lab, i was dehydrated by like 11.00( fine i had water) But still.. , i starved, and had no money to go home. :( I walked to causeway.. again!

I was ALMOST late for school today, if i had waited in the car for the gate to open i would have been late.. but, i didnt. ha ha. Anyway i was almost late because after breakfast at the hawker center, i went to the childcare becos i knew that Dana was there, and then was forced by her to be her patient as she played doctor. Haha. So cute. So when i left it was like 815 and we took the TPE which was most probably took longer or something. Yeah.

Okay. BYE!

Morning training tomorrow, that means waking up at 5.30am. Yeah. Got to remember to bring swimming costume.

I said a prayer for you today
And I know God must have heard,
I didn't ask for wealth of fame,
(I knew you wouldn't mind).

I asked Him to send treasures
of a far more lasting kind. I asked that
He be near you at the start of each new day.

To grant you health and
blessings and friends to share you way.
I asked for happiness for
you in all things great and small;

But it was for his loving care over
you that I prayed the most of all!

A BIG BIG thank you JEAN! I love it!
And p.s, you are so NOT fat okay! And keep studying hard...and do your "momster" proud! Haha :D

Deep dark truthful mirror

2006-09-23T22:33:00.000+08:00

deep dark TRUTHFUL mirror

Today was.. Boring. ( as usual) Went for training, then lunch, then i had a hot date with the Tv..
Finally did groceries after a billion years.

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how

What if i can't do it anymore? What happens then...

Trust no one...

I hate today

2006-09-22T22:47:00.000+08:00

john tucker must die

I absolutely HATE today.

At zone colours today. :)
(Stupid oil from otah got on my white top.)

I was waiting all day

2006-09-20T22:03:00.000+08:00

EARTHQUAKE
:(

I waited ALL day, but it never came.. ALL DAY...
still waiting..stupid

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY lipgloss R.O.C.K rock toilet singing 10mins No Rules SISTER!

Haha. :D that's her rather long nickname. Surprised her at the childcare. So cute, all the kids being so quiet in the dark room, counting the candles together, excited for the birthday girls arrival. One boy was like " Is she Miss Jeet's sister.." and i was like err.. NO, her daughter. And then he was like "how old are you" so i said sixteen... (when i was preparing the cake) Then the teacher came in and was like... "so does anyone know how old Shanti turns toooday?" And the boy shouted.. "SIXTEEN!!!" HAhaa.. So cute. And Dana loves to talk now, okay maybe not talk, more like scream, and shout. Fav word "NO!"..

Had Swensens for dinner.. and they were like.. so how bout' sharing an earthquake.. and i was like NOOO.. it's supposed to be a happy day, and besides we'll probably feel sick after all that ice cream. So that 10 year old naughty girl screamed ( as usual) when she saw her gifts.

Videography lasted till lunch today, oh man i was all prepared to leave at lunch, and then they were like..so have a 10mins break, and we'll be done at 12.. Haha. Training was alright, waited at the void deck for an hour and a half.. read my book and stoned.. then Jamie and Boon Han came, stole my phone and book and ran all over the place. Folded paper bus ticket hearts... Alicia took 2 and Dipna took one, and i just left the rest at the stairs. Did not want them, cos, i donno, but i just didnt. I just found the bus tickets in the bag hidden since like dont know when.. and since i was so bored i decided to keep myself busy. Ah whatever. Glass painting tomorrow.. Must remember to bring the sketch, or Sophie might kill me, okay not might she will. Some supposedly friend did not come to school today... but i'm sure she ha a valid reason..huh, tough shit.

Oh gosh, stop waiting you idiot. It's not going to come ok...

Oh, Smart, genius, intelligent me, went to school today without packing my training attire. Pure genius. Thank God for Dipna and her kind offer to lend me a set. :) Yay! I'll get you the 50 Bugs, promise!

Okay LA.. So sad. BYE

But Im in so deep
You know Im such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

No Promises

2006-09-19T21:17:00.000+08:00

No Promises

Today was a pretty alright day, oh ya, and Dr seet wasn't talking to me about socks today morning people.. haha Yeah. So.. we baked muffins today! Mmmmm. Had like two then gave away the rest, cos i couldnt eat so many. After that Sophie, Myself, The two Nicoles, Desmond and Hong Koon went to causeway to eat Mos! Haha, laughed alot, it was fun, then we went to the arcade, which i have not been to in like ages, and of cos i suck at all kinds of video games.. we played bishi bashi!

Omg, Desmond is like pretty good at it, and i'm like horrible, and i just go crazy and hurt myself banging on the buttons. And poor hong koon.. we kept like swiping his card non-stop, and it was his money, haha, sorry!

So after an ice cream from Gelare :D, we headed back to school, collected our blazers and.. then Sophie left and i went to the SDC and almost died of boredom. But i survived, and made it for training...

So i was like.... "Dipna, if you can guess what song is in my head, i'll give you 50 bucks.." (like how i always say.. but she never gets it =p) and then she says "No promises" and i'm like SHIT, how did she do that. Hahaha. So now i owe her 50 BUGS. :D

I want..... the Pink IPOD nano.

PICTURES!

Ben! And Nicole, Master Chefs. Haha. :D

Des, Nicole and... eerr??

Guess whoooo!! ?????

BYEEEEE.....

I dont know

2006-09-18T21:46:00.000+08:00

you're still hell for me

i've got no master plan to help me out
or make me stand up for all the things i really want
you had me to afraid to ask
and as i look ahead of me
cry and pray for sanity

There's no turning back

2006-09-17T10:07:00.000+08:00

There's no turning back

EDIT

Hello. Training this morning was okay, 52mins, and slightly longer distance than last last Sunday. Going Holy Trinity for mass later, so that we can meet the priest after, so scared, what if he asks me questions i can't answer! Oh no no...

Yesterday was an extremely boring day, after training in the morning, had lunch with dipna, ama and some boy who is very mean to me, ha ha, at the new banquet and causeway (ate carrot cake). Then i had.. sticky chewy chocolate! Hmm, nice. After that i took the BUS home, and then from 2 to like 7 i never took my eyes off the Tv, watched the VMA's, that Denise Keller is sooo lucky okay. And Panic! at the Disco got Video of the Year! :D their video is really very nice. Then i watched BATMAN, oh my gosh, Joker is the scariest thing ever, Erhh.

Then i went for dinner! Finally got out of the house! Was starving okay, 5 hours of tv with no foood. We ate at this Indian Wok, which is like chinese but uses Indian spices, but of course we didn't know that, we thought they just have like chinese and indian food, and it was just weird,and we were like huh? Cos there was like Korean and Western too.. haha. We were like oookay.... Dinner turned out pretty well despite a very angry family/dad.

And now.. i am going to get ready for church! Yay, and daddy is brining back Nasi Lemak for breakfast. How exciting. Bye.

So meeting the priest wasn't bad at all, actually it wasn't anything. Haha, he just wanted to tell me that day has changed and.. i have to go for a retreat. Yeah. After church, had lunch and then we went to arab street :( , ... was super tired, legs were killing me, and now we're home.. and we ordered macs, so scary okay, i went down to get the food( as usual) and and! The door was like wide open, and the gate wasnt locked too. i was freaked, and downstairs was so dark too... dad did not close the door when he went out, how could he!

Okay...it's 9 and i'm soooo tired.

These Walls

2006-09-15T21:25:00.000+08:00

Cry and pray for sanity

I am Soooooo tired. Took the bus like 3 times today. My legs are aching, from all the running and walking and running again. And today wasn't very good at the end. But on the plus side.. is seeing DANA! Haha. That girl is so naughty now.. and SO SO vain. If you say "dana, your clothes aren't nice" she'll get so sad and angry at the same time, "ahhhh". Haha. And she keeps screaming, and she'll bring you lots of clips to put in her hair to make her look pretty. haha.

Omg, it's so scary walking home alone at night, especially after it rained all day.. Ergh.

Training today..... hmmm. No comment. Actually loads. But i'm to lazy to repeat everything. I ate dinner today :D i finished my bowl of noodles like super fast. So Yummy. Anyway the book i'm reading now is really good. The Zahir by Paulo Coelho.. so go read it. Yay. :)

It's only 940 and my eye lids are getting heavy, and toothpicks are on standby. Oh, i've tried cookie dough, from Gelare. Mmmmm. SO yummy. :D

'The Lord is my rock, my fortress and deliverer.
My god is my rock in whom i take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation,
my stronghold. I call to the Lord who is worthy of praise,
and i am saved from my enemies'

And, I, shall go try to sleep now, or not.

Cause everyobody tries to put some love on the line
And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes
And even when i'm scared i have to try to fly
Sometimes i fall
But ive seen it done before
I got to step outside these walls

For the battle is not yours but god's

2006-09-13T21:20:00.000+08:00

For the battle is not yours but God's

I watched the best ever episode of Oprah yesterday. She built homes, an entire neighbourhood called Angel Lane, for the victims of hurricane katrina left homeless. Watching them move in, and cry, and visit their destroyed homes, and reality... and all they are left with is memories. It was amazing, and sad too. Makes you wonder about the little things we take for granted... One lady said that "Oprah is an angel on Earth." I would agree with her, who would give 10 million dollars out of your own pocket and give it away. I mean even though she's a billionare.. it's still alot of money. And she's just amazing. It was the best and my favourite episode.

Read the book Sam, a mother's journey of faith today. It was good. I admire them, their faith is so strong, and they thank god for even something so little that i never thought could be the work of god until i read the book, and their examples. There were many inspirational bible verses too, very nice ones. That make you go, Wow. And makes you realize that you should never doubt him. and.. prayer. Pray.

Training was pretty ok today, in terms of programme, other than that it sucked. So i gotta make up my mind. And November is not very far away. And i am scared and confused.. maybe it's time i step outside these walls. But i just want to make the right decision, make sure its the right one for me. But... i do want to get away from it all. From people, from hurt, and from hate. So i guess it's good. i'm so scared.

But even though it has not been made, i know the decision, if not made by me, by my dad. But whatever. It's giving me a headache thinking of it, and put me in a bad mood all day, from training, and of cos something else too, but it doesn't matter anymore. I just had to find it out by myself, they say seeing is believing right? In a way? Oh whatever. When you feel you have no one to turn to anymore, the one person who understood, turns out to have not understood anything at all.

My head is spinning, and i'm not hungry.. can you believe it, i am not hungry.. Just tired. Eye lids are becoming heavy. I hate going to school, other than it being completly boring and a waste of time, (except for the sports sci intro thing).. don't know why they still make us come to school.. we finish at 1020am, i can't go up to the hostel.. and now the library is out of bounds.. and Sophie doesn't have training everyday. It's so frustrating and boring.

Okay.... this sucks. Bye.

'For the battle is not yours but God's..
Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.
Go out to face them tomorrow,
and the Lord will be with you
Have FAITH in the Lord God..
and your faith will be upheld.'

Painful Eyes

2006-09-11T20:04:00.000+08:00

You're still hell for me

Hello. Training today was pretty err, alright? haha. We did a 4 km run, 5 laps around the hill thing and then.. CIRCUIT. the dreaded flexibility thing. Oh gosh, my back was in pain. But i survived, although the least flexible. But at least i'm still alive right? haha.

Before training, Sophie and i left school cos after lunch there was NOTHING to do until training started at 4. So we got permission and went to causeway point. We had Gelare! :D Our favourite of favourites place. Before that we decided that we were going to watch Little Man, cos it was the only "good" show.. so we go there, and we end up getting tickets to The Host!? Haha. And we regretted it, and was depressed for awhile, but we decided to look on the bright side and that the movie might turn out to be an academy award winning movie or something... Oh my gosh, how wrong we were.

It was about this giant mutant thing, that it extremely big, slimey and disgusting. And ergh, nevermind. But it just goes around killing people, sucking them, then putting them into this giant sewer thing, and when it's hungry it eats them and throws out their bones. And her dad and his siblings like set out to find her cos they get a call from her. But in the end she dies :( but the little boy that was with her survived, and stayed with her father. Oh ya, and that thing died. They killed it.

Then headed back to school, we took the bus :). Was slightly late for training, sorry people. Was supposed to meet the priest today, but going tomorrow afternoon. Pretty scared. Don't know what kind of questions he's going to ask me. I know something about if i'm ready for confirmation or something, and what i think it is. But i dont know if i'll know how to answer. :( Oh well. Dad said he's a nice but fierce priest? Haha. But i'm sure it'll be fine. So yes people who care, i'm getting confirmed! In October! At Holy Trinity. It was either that or St. Ignatius. But i chose Holy Trin.. cos St. Ignatius is further and too weird, and the people in St. Ig will be sec 3? But Holy Trin is the adult one.. so ya. But, i'm getting confirmed! Yay.

So training is in the morning tomorrow, so that means waking up at 5.25 in the morning, and hoping to get there on time, cos i take forever to get ready. So i'm going to sleep early :) Yay. So that i can get that 8 or more hours of sleep! :D

But now.. i have to go cook my sister my signature dish, maggi mee.
Over and out!

Your painful eyes i hate
I reach for you, and i hesitate
Your painful eyes, my biggest mistake
My dreams and hope you take

YOU're the villian i cannot run from
YOU're the nightmare i cannot escape
YOU're the monster from under my bed
and i just can't fight back anymore.

Ozi Fresh

2006-09-10T15:05:00.000+08:00

ozi fresh

hello everyone! I'm back. :) Well, actually i came back yesterday but.. i was too tired to update.
The place was so nice! I took a picture with spongebob and patrick! dee dee and dexter! and MOJO JOJO!! :D Oh! and i went in a hot air balloon too! It was so cool..

And i saw WHALES! :D And got seasick... Urgh. Felt so bad..... the boat was like a 2 and a half hour long roller coaster. But seeing the whales made up for the horrible sea sickness. Ergh. Ooh, dolphins.. so nice. :) and the seal show. Hahaha. So funny. Oh.. I was so scared to go on the roller coasters, i could cry, but my brother and sister like pulled me along.. oh my gosh, i could have died while waiting.. but then i did it. And it was so fun. But i refused to go on anymore after that.

The place we stayed in was nice, like an apartment. Was nice that everyone was together and not different rooms on different floors. So funny to se dad cleaning and washing the clothes. Haha. The shopping was nice, there are so many niceee clothes there, and nice shops with nice clothes that Singapore doesn't have. :( Oh well.

Back to school tomorrow, the week past so fast, wish i was still there. It's so nice, and the beach is beautiful. Back to training in school.. and back to all the courses they have for us. Prelims start tomorrow, for those taking O's. All the best guys! Physics tomorrow( my worst of worsts subject) , ooooo. That sucks.

Cherry and Nicole, you can do it! Make the D.B.S proud! Love ya!

STEVE IRWIN! Oh gosh, it's no sad. He's like a hero, and heros don't die. It's so depressing. That damn sting ray. :'(

Ok, i totally regret not stretching alot after my continuous runs during the week, cos after the jog this morning with and coach pushed me down i almost died. And he was telling me how everyone did it so well. so anyway, we took so long to reach east coast cos they closed like one whole part cos there was something going on. So we went round and round and then finally got there.. almost died jogging.

Okay.. time to unpack.
HAPPY? yingfen??? HAHAHAHA :P

I can't live, I can't breathe
unless you do this with me...

sunrise punch

2006-09-02T00:32:00.000+08:00

Sunrise Punch

Hello! Leaving tomorrow morning. See you next week in school everyone. Have a good holiday! And to the people running Sing open, all the best, run well!
P.s: Bal, sorry i can't be there. :( (msg me the results k!)

Watched love wrecked today, haha, amanda bynes is so funny. Watched the devil wears prada yesterday, it was alright, some of her outfits were pretty nice. Met Sophie today, we ate Gelare, as usual. We tried the new york cheese cake, (should have stopped at the ice cream)

Okay, i got to sleep now. Bye bye.

Heart don't fail me now...

The rain goes on

2006-08-29T22:18:00.000+08:00

Standing on the shore calling out your name

Today was a fun but not as fun day. We baked banana cruch cookies :D they tasted YUMMY! Sophie wasn't here so Nicole and i baked the yummiest cookies ever. ha ha. And then we took cookie pictures in the class. :)

After that, we headed down to the IT room 1 for Ms Chua's surprise farewell party which wasnt really a surprise after all as someone maybe accidently just spilled it. Oh well, it still went alright. Lots of food, and Cheryl baked a very pretty cake! And the room was filled with purple and silver balloons, mostly purple of course. Haha.

After training, (did not do circuit!) i came home, dad picked me up, then went to parkway with mummy for dinner. And now i'm baaack. And super tired so i am going to sleep! :) yay. More than 8 hours of sleep, how exciting.

MORE PICTURES!!!! ha ha.

forever and ever babe

lets waste time

2006-08-28T22:16:00.000+08:00

Let's waste time

I!! washed the dishes, made the beds, hung the clothes after bringing them to each room and cleaned my room! WOW! haha. But super tired now.

OK! today was super fun! The class photo taking as today, and after the formal photo all of us changed into our retro outfits and headed outside to the hill to snap away, the girls had to go barefoot cos we had no shoes so the thorns were killing our feet! had to stand on the guys feet! haha. thanks guys. it was so fun. our poses and everything. 4b's theme was sailors, so they were having their fun at the pool, everyone looked great! :D after the photo, the guys piggy backed us back to the land where thorns weren't attacking our poor feet, two of my toes bled by the way.

After everything, we went back to the audi, ( most of us still lunchless) and we took a billion and one photos. it was so much fun! then 4b joined us, and we took some more! By the time all the snapping was over... we were starved. So we went to the dining hall, and... NO FOOD. so we called our gm, and she allowed us to go out to eat, so we ate.. and then had gelare. :) Then made our way back for training. and now i'm back home. Moved out today too! And because it was past four.. i had to carry a big bag hanging from my shoulder, a heavy box full of books, my beadsheets, like 3 sets, blanket and a pillow.. down the stairs from the 7th storey, i was panting so hard when i finally got down.

So the day is over, and another day awaits. I'm sure going to miss this bunch of sec 4's i've known for 3 years, well most of them. a great GREAT bunch of people. Love ya! And lets make the time we have left with each other spectacular and unforgettable!

PICTURES!!!!

Night. :)

what if

2006-08-27T21:37:00.000+08:00

WHAT IF

WHAT IF i don't want to do it anymore...?
What's going to happen to me, you and them..
if i decide i'm done with this.

Remind me

2006-08-23T23:52:00.000+08:00

Remind me again why i'm home

Am i supposed to feel better? Cos at the moment, i really DON'T.

VOTE FOR HADY! :D

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow.

How do you do?

2006-08-22T20:11:00.000+08:00

Brighter than sunshine

Okay, so i don't think i've ever jogged so much in my life. 40mins after 40mins, could be getting use to it. Bal and i jogged outside today and the time seemed to pass faster. The sdc is open at 8 now! For the sec 4's who are extremely bored and have nothing to do during sst. I can watch magicians of love. Oh my gosh, i'm coming to the extreme drama parts, and at the start song they like changed all the scenes, and oh my gosh! I can't wait, so exciting! :D

Hey all leaving afor ICG in BANGKOK tmr, GOOD LUCK! All the best, and run fast fast. Love.
Desmond came in with this nice guitar but is refusing to play us a song! Come back here youuu!
We baked eclairs for cooking class today, it was fun! and although the shape was pretty much out of shape cos our bag kept popping, it still tasted goood. Coach said so too, and so did Cheryl! :D My partner was sophie, ha hah.

5 items tomorrow, and my muscles are super tight, and aching from jogging so much. and i got to do the 5items, oh my. My sit and reach would be horrible, it's always BAD but now it will be horrible. Oh well. Haha.

Magicians of love time. BYE!

Will you still love me in the morning?

2006-08-20T20:32:00.000+08:00

Will you still love me in the morning

CLICK is so nice!! Funny and sad and then nice! Yay.
Baby bum's birthday party today, she's so cute and yet super naughty. Watched tokyo drift and exorcism of emily rose, so i'm pretty freaked now.

Quite tired, but i wanna watch the magicians of loooove. I did not watch it all weekend. :(
Okay. I'm super lazy. Like my mind is practically blank.

forever and ever, babe

Just forget the world

2006-08-18T11:41:00.000+08:00

Just forget the world

You can actually blog in the com lab. Never knew that.
Timmy is beside me, and he is not happy. :( Cheer up! Looooooove times a BILLION and one. Oh gosh, Mathilda is out!? And jonathan and Hady is the bottom 2 as well? Something is not right.

OH, never got to wish those at world jrs. Good luck guys, do us proud!
Sophie just abandoned me for lunch, she's meeting her mum, meanie. Training today and than HOME! Yay. Dad has already sent the email about me moving out. Informed coach, but not sure if it is confirmed yet. Oh well.

So Nicole Koh is going to abandon me soon too. So i am just going to be glued to the computer watching The magicians of love, and screaming to myself. Oh well. Life goes on right.
ha ha ha

Over and out!

Ovalteenies

2006-08-15T19:43:00.000+08:00

Fall to pieces

Happy Birthday BEN! :D

I'm in school and i'm blogging. Ha ha ha. So... i'm not taking part in Sing open after all. Coach told me today after training. So i'll be training somewhat light this week, and from next week i will start training for next year. So bye bye sing open and my year of competitions. This year was really a shit year for me, oh well, i'll just put this one behind me and look forward to the next??

Homework load as been crazy this 2 days, at least for me. English writing assignment, chem assignment, english compre. And still to do, ss essays, geog essay, english speech. Chem test, physics test and math test. Grrr.

Valerie wang is distracting me with the movie she is watching now, and i desperately need to study for the chem test i am going to take tomorrow. hahaha, thanks val! :) Oh no it's sooo tempting. Sophie's back! :D haha, and she bought us/me the most beautiful purses ever! Of cos twin ones for us... hahaha. Thank you muffin brain!

Ooookay, should be moving out of the hostel soon, depends on my dad. But sophie and nicole are like out already. And that muffin brain told me she's not going Aut anymore, so i'm pretty much in the pits of depression at the moment. Haha.

OKay got to go. I've given in to temptations.

Burst

2006-08-13T21:53:00.002+08:00

We're worlds apart

If i lay here
If i just lay here..
Would you lay with me
and just forget the world?

Don't look back in anger

2006-08-13T10:15:00.000+08:00

Don't look back in anger

Hello! I'm back! :) Thailand was okay, fun at times. But last year was still the best. Practically everyone is burnt, my nose is peeling, eww, and i didn't get the bear. Strained my hamstring, did not run my 200m, got second for my 400m. Buttt........ We did a sub 4 mins for the 4x400m! Gosh, i won't forget that moment Dipna, Khai Leng and i looked at the clock and started screaming, and hugging. It was great.

Shopping was a complete bore, did not but anything. Oh, but i finally bought my elephant, from the airport that i wanted to get since Asean, :) and another pink one which says "darling i love you" when you squeeze it's trunk! :) Haha. So nice.

Sophie's back! YAY! :D and and I pass my Olevel Chinese! With a C6, but still! I passed! WOOOO. I thought i was going to fail, so when i received the msg from nicole, first i went crazy and told the world, then i did not believe her, so i kept asking her if she was just kidding me. And.. she wasn't. Cos... oh my gosh. Yay.

People who got the bear, everyone but me. Haha. No, err Rahman, Guo Pei ( uh duh, his 400m was amazing! Go GP!), JAMIE (grrrrrr. Also "captain" of flight), Jannah, Yvonne! and?? Aaron! Yes yes. I think thats about it for track. Thank you swimmers, for being so enthu and cheering so well! :) And netballers and soccer too!

Every morning was a early morning, get up at 545, cos coach is banging on the door. haha. Make sure we're on time. Get ready and go down for breakfast and poof we're off to the staduim. And back in the evening.

Ben! We passed our chinese! Scream! YAY! Lao Shi must be so proud. And to people who also thought they might not pass but did, Yay for you too!

So... the hotel room was pretty nice. We ordered load of room service. Two single beds joined together to form one big one to fit 3 people. Nessa, Dipna and I. We took turns to sleep in the middle and we had our crazy days. Haha. It was fuuuunnn. I especially loved diving on the bed, and of cos the way in which we dived onto the bed :D We played the drinking game on the last night. My gosh, i had to eat this sick thing that was in the kings cup thanks too... ?? Can't remember, all i can remember is that Ridzwan put the sick jelly. Anyway, it was jelly sugar and coffee powder mixed together. It was sick. I had a horrible stomach ache after that. It was baaaaad.

Well, the time there past really fast and before we knew it we were back in Singapore. And i think that was my last one. So depressing. Have fun next year everyone! and see you in school! Over and out. :(

Hello Sunshine

2006-08-06T00:24:00.000+08:00

Hello sunshine?

I believe this is heaven to no one else but me
and i'll defend it as long as i can be
left here to linger in silence
if i choose to will you try to understand?

Leaving for thailand tomorrow! Sports school games! so fast, pretty exciting, although i'm sad that cheryl and sophie won't be coming too.. Well hope it'll be fun anyway, although not as fun. So sad. Everything is so sad. Stupid shin still hurting. Hope it'll be okay. Run like hell! Grr. Gotta be at the airport by 930, and i have yet to (feel safe) finish packing. This has been extremely horrible 3 days. Hope that doesn't mean i'm in for a horrible week as well. Oh, sigh. Break the chains and dismantle the wall.

Take my tortured heart by the hand.
Come home. Come home. Come home.

I'm a prisoner of the blocks until the gun shot sets me free.

Hate

2006-07-30T22:48:00.000+08:00

leave the pieces

"If he touched her...he couldn't talk to her
If he loved her... he couldn't leave
If he spoke he couldn't listen.. and
If he fought, he couldn't win."

Can you tell when i'm happy
can you tell when i'm sad..
or when im happy but sad?
Or maybe when i'm angry
or even when i'm lonely..
Even if you could, you wouldn't care.
You never cared.
So, Why do i even bother.

I'll say i hate you, i'll tell it to myself over and over again.
But you wouldn't listen and it wouldn't bother you.
I hate you.
Has it no meaning anymore?

Tell me it has.
Please.

Lies

2006-07-21T20:28:00.000+08:00

Take your love and hit the road

Back from Macau. Actually i was back on Wednesday, ran the relays at Schools Nats, it was fun :) We did not go sub 4 but we still got other chances, hopefully we will make it then. i mean we will! right guys? We can do it together together. :) Saw Dana today, after what felt like forever. She talks so much now, she screams more than she talks actually.

So the two days of school was pretty alright, fun. Except for last night and today afternoon. I mean it's one thing to hide something.. but it's another to lie about it. Training today was not that good in terms of how i did, bad starts, and ultimate slowest reaction possible. Had a terrible splitting headache.

Macau was nice, learnt how to play mahjong! and then got hooked on it :D got to know the team better and their a nice bunch. Ze teng is hilarious.. with her famous line "i punch you", she says it every time, it's so funny. The stadium was so cool, with the big screen and cameras and everything, and the competition was intense and tough. China was like the unbeatables. They are good. Oh.. lebanon guy :) and and extremely hot taipei guy.. *ahem, michelle and xiao mei xD

Leaving for thailand on Monday, for Asean schools. Was supposed to do the 200m and 400m, but just doing the 200m now, so dipna's gonna do the 400m. Go Dipna :D

Oh!! Dipna Alicia and I and sooooooooo gonna go to the zoo. Okay people! We have to. We have to see Dewy. The gigantic Polar Bear. I wanna see it jump around playing with it's toys and splashing into the water, getting out and doing it again. But! We are soo staying away from the snake section okay, and that passage thingy !! Errk. Yay! And remember our a billion scoops of Ben and Jerry's! Okay. Yay. :D But we gotta find a date when we're all freeeeeeeeee. :) :) Dewy. Hahaha. Polar Bear! :D

We went to little india yesterday, under the english department. Had to find out some stuff about their religion and culture, it was interesting. The 5 of us got hennah tatoos done. Most of them were friendly.. but there was this guy that was super angry with us, cos we were blocking the way. So he kept shooing us. Sorry sir.

I wanna watch Pirates of the Caribbean.. I love love LOVE Johnny Depp. :) !!! I want to watch superman too, but not as much as Johnny Depp!.. :)

I wanna sleeeeeeeeeeep.

Training at CCAB tomorrow morning. Relay training for Asean schools. I think i'm hungry. I don't feel like eating, yet i think if you put food infront of me i will eat alot. But there's no food to eat anyway. haha.Think i'm gonna sleep soon, so tired.

It's alright, i'll be fine,
don't worry 'bout this heart of mine....

Macau

2006-07-12T22:53:00.000+08:00

Everywhere you go... perfection.

Leaving for Macau tomorrow.. soooo fast. Will come back in time for school nats finals, relay :D
Chinese Oral was better than i expected, asked me about the campus superstar thing, the question we practice so many times, haha. That i did not expect it to come out, so i practiced for the whole punishment in schools thing, and volunteer work, hahaha. And memorized that cool sentence that i so badly wanted to say but did not get a chance to. Oh well. So glad it's over :D Poor Cheryl, today's question was so hard.

I wanna get confirmed in my church, with my friends, so badly. I'm so depressed.. It's so unfair. I can't believe i won't be confirmed with everyone... :'( Why Why Why.. did it have to be on the same day as Macau. It's so unfair... unfair. Unfair.

Oh nooo.....

I wanna do well there.. :( Can't screw it up again.
One whole week there, with noone in sight to talk talk/ turn to. :(

Ahh....

Sunrise of deception
Nothing but false hope ? ...
Carpe diem baby..

The day i met zac

2006-07-09T20:57:00.000+08:00

With all my heart

I have a nephew... and his name is Zac.
Today, i met Zac..perfection.
innocent and showered with nothing but love.
A new member of the Pereira family.
A joy.

I hope i'll get to see him again. I will. When he's eyes meet yours, it's magical. He was baptized today. Innocence, there was once when we were all innocent. Innocence once lost, now found in the eyes of a child.

I wish him happiness, peace and love all the days of his life.
With all my heart.

Why can't everyday be like when we played rounders in the big open green field, filled with nothing but laughter, fun, happiness...and family. It's not fair, but nothing is ever fair. Life is not fair. But we can choose to give in, or to fight back.

Fight back.

Sometimes you forget where the heart is.
Sometimes you know it's there, but you can't feel it.
And sometimes you can feel it, and you know it's there..
But it's empty.

Maybe one day... Zac and Dana will be friends.

Faith

2006-07-08T23:39:00.000+08:00

He whispers dreams in my ear,
he delivers me my fear

Feel the breath of fear brush your skin.
Banish it.
The hatred dancing on your finger tips.
Banish it.

"First, have faith in yourself"

Faith.
Have Faith they say... He says.
Will it ever be enough?

Do i know what i want?

A villian i cannot run from. The nightmare i cannot escape. The monster from under my bed. Fight back. Fight back. Fight back.

i'm your fool

2006-06-29T21:38:00.000+08:00

i'm your fool

Look into my eyes..
what do you see?
not just the colour
look inside of me

I could fall asleep in those eyes..
into a nightmare,
waking up in cold sweat
knowing you will never go away
give me regret.. if i can keep the good memories
give me hurt if it is short lasting.
give me pain if it isn't real..
And dreams that i can turn into reality

Carpe Diem baby...
Fools rushed in,
fools like me.

Taste so sweet

2006-06-25T03:12:00.000+08:00

If you're listening..sing it back.

I'm home! and my clothes and hands smell of smoke, freaking disgusting. The funny thing is.. there was a NO SMOKING sign!? Wth. So the bus trip was cancelled :( Bummer.. But we had a bbq instead :D it was fun. Stayed in church till about 1200 am, then we decided to head down to east coast to play pool, till now! It was fun, cos i'm extremely horrible at the game so i was like making a fool of myself...but hey, i tried..right? Marcus kept trying to teach me how to stand properly and hold the cue straight, think he was secretly laughing inside. :) hahah. Teamed up with Remus, undefeated. But obviously not cos of me, he made like all the shots. Haha. Met some new people.. evberyone's nice. We played Taboo like 3/4 of the time we were at the pool place, and the end of the bbq. Think we did like every card? and like pro at it now. We were seriously hooked on the game.. we did not want to stop.. but we had to leave.. Oh well. It was fun. :D

Sec 4 outing was pretty fun too, we watched Just My Luck, i thought it was really good :) Love love chick flicks. By the time i got there after training, they all finished eating, so i ate a hotdog in the theatre. We took pictures! haha. :D Then... after the movie.. the girls headed to Mango for the sale, and other shopping venues.. while the guys went to play pool. Then we met them after. It was a small group, but it was fun and nice. Back to school tomorrow.. Grr. HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL people.. i'm so excited. SCREAM.. we're soaring... la la la.

Ok.. I'm extremely bored now. But i did not want to stay on cos they were gonna watch soccer and erm.. So ya. and i was broke too, so how can you sit at Macs at not get even more hungry and then not eat right? Haha, They asked to leave the game Taboo with them.. bet their still playing it now. :P

Over and Out!

Lack Of Colour

2006-06-23T22:00:00.000+08:00

When the stars fall i will lie awake

Today.
The usual boring day.. Watched Ice Princess on Dvd.. It's really good. I liked it. And i watched Wimbeldon too, Wow, It's nice too. And i finally watched Alot Like Love. Been wanting to watch it since forever, good show too. Also watched Undiscovered? But that was disappointing. Went for dinner across the road, and we were like standing in the middle of the road for like ever.. the traffic light was too far away.. and then.. this double decker bus just like passed us, like RIGHT in front of our face, it was scary shit ok.. the bus behind it stopped for us to cross.. the driver shaking his head at us. Oh well..

Anyway, I was so engrossed in the movies, that i forgot to wash the dishes. So when i finally went down to the kitchen.. the ants were like throwing this massive party in the sink. And i hate ants, especially so many of them. So i turned on the tap and they all drowned. And i feel so bad, murderer. Ahh. I need One Tree Hill..

Tomorrow is packed, training in the morning, 420m test. :/ then there is this sec 4 outing thing, and then i'll be going to church all the way till Sunday morning. :) Overnight bus trip by Genesis, so better get as much sleep as i can cos i won't be getting any tomorrow, until sunday morning? Wow, i wonder how i'm going to do that.

I still have alot/more mosquito bites. Freaking itchy.
Iiiiiiii'mmmm goooooooinnggg tooooooo sleeeeeeeepppp nooooowwwww.
Looooooooveeeeees
Don't you just looooooooooooveeee wale talk.
:D

One thing is clear
i wear a halo
when you look at me
but standing from here
you wouldn't say so.

Secret Stars

2006-06-22T21:21:00.000+08:00

say it's not right for you but it's right for me

i believe
this is heaven to no one else but me
and i'll defend it as long as
i can be left here to linger in silence
if i choose to
will you try to understand?

little miss sunshine

2006-06-19T23:00:00.000+08:00

What would you think of me now?
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE....

Never thought i'd say i'm sorry
Never thought i'd be the one to bring me down
And as i look out my window..
There doesn't seem to be anyone around.

When there is no one you can trust.
Noone.

Lost

2006-06-18T22:50:00.000+08:00

6 billion people in the world..
6 billion souls..
But sometimes..
All you need, is one

What would you think of me now

2006-06-17T22:32:00.000+08:00

What would you think of me now?

I screwed up today.
Finished Season 2 of One Tree Hill, OMG to the last episode man..
My brother and friend screaming at the tv, hilarious. Not like it can hear them you know. Oh whatever, World Cup, Duh. GOOOAL!! and all the OOHs and AHHs. Hahaha. Can hear them from in the room. Soccer.
I'm tired.. oh wait, from what? My extremely "fast" race today..
Ahh, whatever. I'm out.

If you're listening.
SING IT BACK.

String from your tether unwinds.
Up and outward (but only) to bind.
I was spinning free with a little sweet and simple numbing me.
So tell me what do I need when the words lose their meaning.
Yeah, stumble until you crawl.
Sinking into sweet uncertainty.
If you're listening.

Are you listening?
Sing it back.

I'm still running away.
What a dizzy dance.
This sweetness will not be concerned with me.
No the sweetness will not be concerned with me.

2006-06-16T22:13:00.000+08:00

When the stars go blue

Today.
After "second training session with Dipna and Fudin, we had lunch at the food court. Talked alot, Dr.Love was in the house. Haha. :P It was interesting.. After that, we all decided that we did not want to go home just yet, soo.. we went to check for movies. And there were showing RV, ( we were 10mins late) so... we just bought the tickets without really thinking much, Fudin was like eh?? Haha. The movie was alright. Not WOW, but alright. The funniest part of cos was the homeys part, (looks at Dipna and Fudin) haha. Inside joke. Dipna and I laughed like shite at that part. Whattup Dog..

Oh ya, and coach did not let us leave the table until we finished our power bar, his water all the way from austria, and his vitamin c stuff. Wah shit, i was sooo bloated okay. They both finished their water, heroic Fudin finished it first, i was like, oh my, it was horrid. Haha. I thought i would be there forever cos i wouldn't be able to finish it.

After that we all went our seperate ways.. unfortunately. I slept on the bus, when i woke up i was in Eunos! I was so happy.. cos i thought the bus ride would never end okay, and my phone died. Hah. 200m tomorrow.. Swift meet. All the way Dipna, Alicia, Yanlin, Balpreet, and Me. And all the others that are competing. :D

Just came home from dinner, friggin full. Ate Kenny Rogers and their servings are like Whoa. After that we went next door to have Gelare :D.. Dinner was actually alright today. That's a good thing.. considering everything. But however much we, or they try to hide it, you know... we all still know it's there. I just hope it'll go away soon.

Err, i'm out. Loves.

Have the time of your life..
Carpe Diem baby.

No mercy for those who hold on

2006-06-15T21:39:00.000+08:00

I shiver everytime i think of you

THERE IS NO MERCY FOR THOSE WHO HOLD ON

I'm running low on faith..
Carpe Diem baby.

2006-06-14T21:53:00.000+08:00

Everything will be alright

Baby DANA is here. So everything bad that happened today and the tangled mess in my head is officially erased, cos once i saw her everything became happy thoughts, and just making her laugh, making her scream and shout, made today great. Haha. I love her so much.

Running in swift this weekend. 200m and 4x100m. Wanna see where we are now, from training and everything. 4x100m will be running with Jannah, Cheryl and Yanlin i think, cos we have not practiced? Just go there and runnnn? Haha. OOh kay. xD

So ... i have nothing to blog about, except that tomorrow is the 15th. Beware. I'm not going to be absent minded and forget, not going to let them catch me off guard! Mu ah aha. I will be prepared!

HEAL THE WORLD. haha. Over and OUT.

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own

Where did she go

2006-06-14T00:12:00.000+08:00

More than anyone

HAPPY 9mins Belated BIRTHDAY YINGFEN! :D

Just came home, went out with Babushka. Had so much fun, don't think i've laughed that much the whole holiday. Haha. It was top FUN. Watched She's the Man. Oh gosh, it was hilarious. It was such a good movie, Duke is so hot. And Amanda Bynes is so funny, especially her facial expressions. Oh gosh. So funny.

Had Pasta Mania, imagine this.. "can i have the spicy chicken without the spice please" HAHA. Ate what i always eat, then from cine we walked all the way to far east, ate at gelare and then walked all the way back to Cine. Haha. But it was so fast, cos we were crapping all the way. So fun.

Oh, One Tree Hill is so good. Continued watching season 2 today. Gosh it's so funny. I was like laughing so much at the shit they do. And Haley and Nathan is the sweetest thing, they are so in love. It's amazing. But i just know something bad is going to happen soon enough. But they just love each other so much, theyll get through it right? right. Gosh, it's just a show. But still... ha ha.

Training tomorrow. Double session again, time passes so fast. Zooms by. Zooooom. Haha. Okay, Night.

A DREAM IS A WISH YOUR HEART MAKES

It kills me no more

2006-06-12T21:15:00.000+08:00

It does not kill me anymore.

Nick won. I wanted Melody to win. Actually, i wanted Blake to win, he is AMAZING. But then he got elimated last week.. so.. my vote was on Melody. BUT Nick won. haha.

I'm depressed. I won't get confirmed. I have to give up something so important to me, i don't know what to do. To go or not to go. So sad, been there for 10 years , took me that long to prepare myself for that day. I've bought my dress, my friends. Everyting. Sacrifice.. I guess. Again

Training was alright. Haha. Before the second session we were like playing cry wolf. Oh my, hilarious. Shouting and screaming at each other. It was fun, scary at times, and frustrating and sad but overall FUN. hahah Yeah. And the time past REALLY fast today. Before we knew it we were getting ready for the second session. Haha. Ate Macs again, if i keep this up, i won't only look 57kg, i will be 57kg. HAha. But we have no choice, Ok, we have a choice, but fast food is the only food place with order in. Right. Ahh. Whatever.

Wah shit, Bus ride home took forever. To make it worse there was super slow traffic at one point.. i was dying on the bus. Stinky, tired and bored. SLEEP.

I'm out.

Retreat!

2006-06-11T20:44:00.000+08:00

I keep trying to find my way

RETREAT is over!.. Last church camp ever with this bunch, how sad... last church camp EVER as like a participant.. So depressing. I wanna be a facil! This camp or retreat was so different, not the whole spilt into groups thing but more individual on the first day, so that we can have one to one time with GOD. It was so interesting, but at some parts got abit sleepy cos was not use to the whole prayer experience thing. But overall it was really good. I was starving all day even though we were fed. A few of them ordered Macs at night, i stole their fries. Had to sleep on the exteremely hard floor in the hall of St.Stephens. Haha. My sleeping bag was useless ok, cos i move so freaking much. My whole sleeping bag came unzipped and i ended up on the floor, sleeping back like just on me and not under. And gabrina and melissa took a shower at like 5 in the morning! Crazy people, and at like 530am this stupid guy shouted "WAKE UP" and we were all like WTH!?

Second day, Genesis people came and organized games for us, we had ALOT of fun. haha. In my group was.. Laura, Dora, Bianca, Caroline, Gabz, Mel, Anthon and Me! HAha.. We kept laughing like crap. Especially at broken telephone, cos we had to like one person act and another say, and we just got everything wrong! Holy Matrimony became nun and then rosary. Old man sitting cross legged crying became Zombie man with black coins around his eyes. It was madness. Haha. We were constantly entertained by Laura and Dora's stories. Haha. Gonna miss their crap man, they are so funny. Told us so many freakingly good jokes, i laughed like crap.

There is just too much to say. Had alot of fun... but of cos, most importantly how to make time for my relationship with God. I am a catergory 3, But not for long! Soon i'll be in catergory 2 and then 1!! :) Rite of election mass today, the choir was GREAT. It was so good, they sounded so nice. It was seriously like WOW. When i went for communion, i turned around and looked up and saw the whole big group of them singing with all their hearts. It was so nice.

Training tomorrow, the weekend was over just like that. So tired and full. I can sleep on a bed tonight, an actual bed. A soft and comfy one, with a bonus of pillows, where i won't have to wake up with a stiff everything. Ok, i'll shut up.

Out.

Jesus take the wheel
take it from my hands
cos i can't do this on my own
give me one more chance
save me from this road i'm on

I wonder why i loved you

2006-06-09T21:23:00.000+08:00

We're just playing pretend

Celebrated Dipna's birthday today, belated by 2 days.. haha. But it was fun. Went to causeway to buy the cake and when i was in the lift, there was this two small boys and their mum in the lift, and there was this poster of winnie the pooh and gang, and the boy said excitedly "Mum! Look it's winnie the pooh!" and the Mum was like "Do you like winnie the pooh?" and the boy was like "NO. Pooh bear is dumb. Pooh's a dummy." Haha. And he's like tiny man. Oh my i couldn't help it man, started laughing. Haha. It was so funny.

Training ended pretty late today, took the bus back. Was on the bus and that BANG. Something hit the back of the bus, so we had to pull over, for quite a long time before we finally started moving again. Was so tired by the time i got home.. but then!! i went into the kitchen and i saw daddy-o. Oh, i missed him so :)

Church retreat thing tomorrow, pepare us for confirmation and rite of election. Don't even know what time we gotta be in church, and what to pack. Bummer. Gonna miss training tomorrow. Training today was good, i mean it was good as in.. ahh, whatever.

Watching the 9pm chinese show, Oh my , The grandma died la, wth, and Ruoqi turned himself in! I did not watched so many episodes and so much happened! They are both in sydney now looking for her.. ahh. and where is she? in the hotel room! HAha. Oh my gosh. She chose neither of them! AHH. But quite predictable. Ok i'm out. Going to bed now

Here i go,
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
but you don't hear me at all
you just find ways to bring me down

The leaving song

2006-06-08T21:26:00.000+08:00

Touch these hands that can't stop shaking

Welcome HOME Babushka! :) I'm Glad Thadius was a great company, knew he/it would do well. Take care of him/it, whatever alright. Haha.

Today was interesting, haha, that is if you were the most boring person alive. Went for training in the morning, it was jumps and gym day today, double session awaits us tomorrow, also the end of the week. Bummer. To the O'level people doing your geog, lit or history papers tomorrow, good luck people!

So after having another fast food day, i took the bus home. Slept on the bus again, was so tired, and like a few stops before mine, this guy sitting behind me kept kicking my leg, he was asleep too. haha. Finished watching season one of One Tree Hill, they got married, how sweet is that!? Crazy but sweet. But it is so frustrating cos i know that Dan is going to cause alot of problems in season two, ruining everyone's lives more and more than he already has. My sister is still dying to tell me everything that happens cos she's watched it all before, but i warned her not to. If not it won't be fun to watch anymore... cos i'll be like "oh my gosh, i know what happens".. where's the fun in that.

Watched half of mighty ducks after entering one episode of seson two, before Mum took me to go grocery shopping with her. Had dinner, and bought stuff for our empty and food-less kitchen and now i'm finally home. Have not watched the chinese 9pm show since Monday, and the last episode is tomorrow! and Cheryl thought she taped it but she did not! Uh oh.. What are we going to do... ?

OH... and apparently i look 57kg.

I, Valerie, a.k.a, Fat pig, is going to bed now.
Over and Out...

Afterglow

2006-06-07T22:19:00.000+08:00

Keep the dream alive

TODAY, was a long and tiring day. Training in the morning, breifing in the afternoon and then back to training in the evening. Haha, started training at 5 plus and ended at 7 plus.. Then Xavier picked me up. Was dead tired by then.

While waiting for the second training session to start, Ama, Bal, Dipna and I played truth or dare to kill time. Oh my, i had to do so many embarassing and hilarious dares. The funniest and faskest was the wallet one. Hahaha! I think they were pretty pissed with us you know. Haha. Oh well. It was still funny and fun. We ordered Macs in, the fries were soggy and coke semi-diluted. But oh well, it was lunch! :)

Good luck for your physics paper tomorrow O'level people. *ahem Yingfen, Physics. Yes. Hope you're reading this. Ha Ha. I hope daddy gets home soon, wonder when he's coming back. Don't really like riding with X.. other than the many close death encounters, i just get so irritable and giddy when i'm in that car. Tomorrow morning, not looking forward to that. Oh daddy-o.

Missed the chinese 9pm show 2 nights in a row, next 2 episodes are the last 2.. But i might be too lazy to watch it, hope Cheryl did. Cheryl if you did! i can't wait till you tell me all about it! Haha. So fun

Remus! I know you will have FUN in the zoo tomorrow, i love the zoo! So many pretty animals, just so nice to walk around and look at all of them, except the reptile park and walking in that small passage thing. Errk. And the insects. Erk. Do not bring the kids there okay, unless they REALLY want to. I'm sure you guys will have lots of fun, I can't wait to meet Luke, i'm sure he's the most amazing 10 year old boy ever.

Ok, I'm out.
Loves

Under a killing moon

2006-06-06T23:37:00.000+08:00

under a killing moon

TODAY
Gym workout, was alright.. came home after having lunch at Pasta Mania with Dipna and Ama. Of cos, i had the same thing i ALWAYS have when i go there. Slept like a big on the bus, when i woke up it was like 2 bus stops before the one i was supposed to get off at, and my neck was like so stiff cos it was in the same position. Training tomorrow, it double day. Haha.

Just came home, went out with Remus, Melissa and Justin. Went for dinner at some Hongkong food place, it was really nice, I ate so much. Remus ordered lots of food, good food. After that we headed to Great World City, cos it was just across the road and we just walked around aimlessly and in circles. Haha. Took bus 16 down to City Hall, and had coffee club, Muddy mud pie? if that's what it's called, and fresh fruit fondeu. the tripple f, said that to the nurse and she gave me the loser-est look ever ok. Haha. After that we headed down to Ink. Drank some cool, interesting drinks, then Mum sent THE sms, thank god is was not a call. Haha :) So now, here i am!

Had a good time laughing like crap, and not. And just being crazy, Oh romeo and juliet! Haha. Just could not do it, too embarrassing. I guess i had a good time. Getting sleepy, should rest early for training tomorrow. Body aching from training today, wish i could just sleeeeeeeeeeep all day, so damn tired.

Omen is out today, but heard so far that is is a stupid and not worth watching movie. I was so dissapointed, was so hyped up for this major scaring movie session, and they made this big huu hah that it's coming out on the 6/6/06 all.. But like wth? Maybe i should watch it, and judge for myself, hahaha. But then maybe i shouldnt.. Oh i don't know. This is so hard.

Over and OUT.

I am no solution
To the sound of this pollution in me
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

Please say it's me

2006-06-05T19:13:00.000+08:00

Is it in his eyes?

EDIT

Oh gosh. I am back from double training, and i am not dead. Applaud. Today was so tiring, and it was so hot in the afternoon. My gosh. I thank Grandma for cooking. Dad is away. I'm going to be one tree hill-ing tonight. But promise my Mum not to stay up till 4am watching it again. But it's just so addictive. It's nice, not as good as the OC but still good.

Watched The Da Vinci Code last night. It good, but to me it's just one amazing and brilliant strory. Nothing more nothing less, i guess. I regretted going halfway through the movie, but decided to stay cos 1, it was freaking late so i'd have nowhere to go and 2, might as well complete it right? Dana baby staying over tomorrow. :)

Knees hurt/sting from doing block starts man. Still. And.. we did blocks this morning. Oww. Chinese show tonight! Wonder how dramatic it's going to be tonight. So tired. Had lactic walking up the stairs. The 500m today was Bad. Legs felt so heavy and did a awful timing. Oh well. At least it's just gym tomorrow and single session :)

Time for dinner. Loves.

Forget the letters just sleep sound tonight
Pull back the covers without a fight
But as we dance by the emergency light
I fail to swallow my tongue

As we dance on this memory
A light left bunking on it's own
In hope and desire, in hope I expire

Despair has devoured me whole
A seed won't grow from this soul
Can't you kill this beating heart
Left here swallowed by this fear
That you will always keep me here
So close your eyes and pray for this to go away

Take Everything

2006-06-03T21:46:00.000+08:00

my eyes burn from these tears

please please please please.. stop fighting.
I wish i did not have to be here right now. Wish i did not have to come back, just stayed out. How can you tell me not to care? That you know what you are doing? I think.. you have no idea. Everything is just getting worse and worse.. when they should be getting better. It makes it all worst that i am the only one here, brother is partyin the night away, sister having a slumber party, and phobs going out with spongebob peeinthepants. But at least.. one of us is here. But i'll admit, i'm abit scared, but i know i'll be fine. But who cares if i'm fine, or not. I just pray everything else will be fine... Take me away.

So take everything
and leave me scrambling
reaching for something
that wasn't there in the first place.

Hung Over

2006-06-02T22:33:00.000+08:00

the impact of reason

Today.
Woke up. Spent the whole day at the childcare and tuition centre. Reading stories, filing, colouring out coins, buliding kampongs, and playing spelling games. Terrible headache when we were going to go home, or i was just dead tired. That place does stuff to you.

Went to town with mum and sisters. Shopped, had dinner, and bought season 1 and 2 of one tree hill, to watch till i pass out on the couch.

Saw baby bum today, but she was pretty naughty. Stepping on the story books although i told her not to, and then going around hitting her friends.
Jae talks more now, he used to never say a word, but now he just talks and talks even if it doesn't mean anything, and its just so happy to hear. Rae too, but she was pretty quiet today. Joshua did not cry, instead i saw him smile, alot. Kai is still as lovable and sweet as ever, and Stefan still always singing his itsy bitsy spider song.

Genesis tomorrow, at 2, with Melissa and Justin. Dinner and movie with Babush after. I think.

I feel like shit today. One tree hill. Bye.

Bubble bubble bubble SPLASH

Live

2006-06-02T08:42:00.000+08:00

the more you talk the less i hear

Hearts On Parade

2006-06-01T17:37:00.000+08:00

Remember to feel real

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!! :D

School's out. :) Now that The OC, sadly, is over, I am addicted to one tree hill! Gonna be begin my marathon soon, before going back i stopped at episode 4.. YAY. At least i got something to look forward to watching, and of cos the 9pm chinese show. Xiyi gets knocks down by a car today, don't think the show can experience any MORE drama man. But it's fun to watch. Incredible Tales last night was not scary, but the group watching was so much bigger, haha. So fun.

O's are over. It was horrible :( November paper... Sigh.

Training.. is alright. :) haha. Yeah. The Omen! I wanna watch the Omen, its gonna be out on 06/06/06 how freaking right. 666. Oh gosh. Did my social studies major module test today, think i really screwed it up. I had to idea what to write for the essays so i got this strong feeling that i wrote completely out of point. They videoed our chinese oral, i wanna cry. The camera made me so nervous and i kept stumbling on my words. Desmond! It was horrible, can't believe the batt died on you. Lucky ass.. Guess they can't use yours as an example after all, no matter how GOOD it was. HAHA.

The hole will be done as soon as possible, my gosh man stefan, no worries. So embarassing. You can hide in there for as long as you want.. or forever! I'll hide in mine! It gonna be so deep.. We can wallow in sorrow there, or throw huge parties. The sound system will be massive. Haha. I mean.. AHH. We will survive.

Timmy! Stop moaning. :) HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. ArrRRRRRRrRRrRR. So fun. :D Shhh. Fab 4 shall reunite soon! Beatrice, Deadry, Kean and Modesto! :) Swim hard and fast Ben! All the way! :)

DBS! Gonna miss you guys so much. We better have a DBS outing soon okay, after your mids of cos. Study hard smarties. And cherrie, we won't watch the omen. Haha. Tough Shit, We are gonna go to your house to watch friends till we pass out on the couch. Don't forget. And keep smiling! Hope you liked the choco pie with the skittled smiley face. Pencil Queen! Keep those pencils sharp! :)

It's not having everything go right;
it's facing whatever goes wrong.
It's not being without fear;
it's having the determination to go on inspite of it...
It's not where you stand,
but the direction you're going in
It's believing you have already been given everything you need in life.
Remember that every day ends and brings a new tomorrow
full of exciting new things.
Love what you do,
do the best you can, and always remember
how much you are loved.

-Vickie M Worsham

Thank you for the book.
:)

Loves.

Loves.

Let There Be Love

2006-05-28T11:38:00.000+08:00

If it makes you happy, then just keep on clapping

Oh gosh. I never thought i'd say this so soon... BUT.. Chinese O's are tomorrow! Oh my. Don't panic. Stay calm. I woke up at like 8 and immediately took out my file.. and started reading the papers lao shi gave. Haha. Don't know if it'll help but i still read it anyway.

Going out with Mum and Dad later. It's so weird. I spent my entire weekend with them. Pretty rare and unusual, i mean usually it's like with my younger sister too, but she is away at some camp thing. So it's just the three of us. Making fun of each other. Mum getting sensitive, then making fun of daddy, angry for two seconds then makes a lame joke again. Plain Madness. Had Mongolian BBQ yesterday, it was so cool, the way you choose what you want raw, then you add like all the sauce, giner, garlic whatever, then you pass it to the chef then like he cooks it on the gigantic pan thing which is sizzling hot and within seconds he like flings it around and like it magically appears in the bowl once he makes this gigantic round with his arm, and like not a drop spills onto the floor. It was so cool. And it tasted damn good.

House/Room is in a mess cause we've been somewhat neglecting the housework, or i have. I washed the clothes and dishes, but i did not make the beds and tidy the rooms and the living rooms. I pray mummy won't come up to my floor if not i'll be in for one angry and pissed mum. Maybe i shall do it later. Went to the doctor AGAIN. She gave me a stronger antibiotic.. and vitamins. Oh well.

Eeverything is going to change. Daddy says i have to listen to him, I guess i don't have much choice now do i? if it's what i have to do.. Then it's what i gotta do.. But they just threw it on me you know.. it was so sudden, and they expected me to know and tell them right away what i wanted to do. Don't i deserve some time to think about it? I guess not, cos daddy has made up his mind. I'm just going to follow it, i guess it's cos i trust him.

OH, Melissa used Kate, and i used Anna :) Confirmation is coming :D
Hello Sunshine :) We gotta shop for our outfits. Missing you loads, see you soon. Takecare and see you soon. I've got something crazy and important to tell you. Everything is just crazy. Dad got inspiration from you you know, don't know if i should kill you or thank you. But he says i should thank you. Oh well. Ok, we got a shopping date coming up. I love you! I'll see you when i see you :)

I wish i could be every little thing you wanted all the time
You can have what's left of me
take it.

What now, my love?

2006-05-27T18:47:00.000+08:00

She falls asleep into dreams
where she is safe

Today. Training was alright. Quite tiring, muscles were extemely tight so i got abit scared. But everything was alright after all. Studied chinese on the way there and back. And till now have yet to touch my book. Been driving around Singapore. Went for lunch, came back, went to parkway, went to Bukit Timah, walked from one end of Hwa Chong to the other and now finally back. So tired. Going for dinner soon. Want to watch XMEN 3. Been waiting forever to watch it, at least since i knew it was coming out. And now that it is out i have yet to watch it. It's so sad. I like don't go out anymore, to town or where ever. So Loser. Stuck at home. :

Although i missed 2 days of school the other 3 were rather... interesting. Haha. On wednesday we watched the Singapore Idol encore, laughed like crazy. On Thursday there was like this big group of us watching incredible tales.. It was so freaky ok. But Fun. Haha. Screaming and all..haha they turned off a few lights to create an atmosphere.. Ooooo. haha. Oh Oh. Of cos before that we were watching the extremely tragic 9pm Chinese Show no no... DRAMA. Oh my gosh. Sad but sooooo tragic.

CHINESE ON MONDAY. OMG. SO FAST. Too fast. I still remember Lam saying "aiya lao shi, still got 60 days" BUT now. It's like what 2 days away. OMG. SCREAM. I pray i'll do well. Oh man. But chinese. I'm so bad at it. Come on val... Ahhhh. Shit

OH OH. And taxi rides will NEVER be the same again. Haha.. My gosh. Can't believe it.

Maybe i'm amazed

Only Human

2006-05-26T22:03:00.000+08:00

I wish i could be every little thing
you wanted all the time

please stop fighting

please stop fighting
it's home

Overwhelming Fears Inside

2006-05-22T11:53:00.000+08:00

sunrise of deception
nothing but false hope

SICK. Again. On MC for 2 days. ERGH. The worst thing is that it is volume training this week and i missed a MONDAY session. Intervals. :( Sigh. That's bad. Finished my chinese compo :) Went to see Doctor Lau today, and she explained this looong thing to me. Hate taking medicine. Have to take this gigantic grey vitamin. Erk. I hate swallowing it, especially when the pill taste so horrible, but what the heck. If it's going to make me better.

I saw Baby Bum today. DANA. Yup. Went to Mum's school cos i did not want to be home alone. Saw diren. Omg. The baby i knew and LOVED and constantly sqeauled "diiiiiiiiiren" to is so big now. Have not seen him for 3 years and he grew. And again i was like "diiiiiiiren" but i freakishly did it a billion times, i think it was to make up for the number of times i did not say it since i last saw him in Vancouver. I missed him so. He is going back soon :( He smile is still exactly the same as how i remembered it.

Chocolate Chip, thanks for keeping me company while i drown in lonesome at home tonight. :) Thanks for bothering to see if i am ok. And for spending your card money on me.

OH. I finished watching the OC. The last episode was so sad, when they graduated. :( Got me thinking of this year when we all are going our different ways, Cheryl to JC.. Nicole too and Yingfen. So sad. And the ending is screwed up ok. I doubt there is going to be a season 4 now. Damn, i can't believe it. Too screwed up, and sad. But screwed up. And they're graduation. It's like, after all the drama from season one to three.. it's like POOF, they graduated. Ok val, it's just a show. But.. I can't help it. So sad.
P.s: Dipna, Don't wanna spoil it for you cos you have not watched it, but tell me if you're dying to know whats the ending ok! i'll be sure to tell you! xD

Ok. Time for the poison and then it's bed time. Oh, and my mouth is still in terrible pain due to the gigantic and ultra painful ulcerS.
Loves.

The dark sky reigns all day
The moon eclipsed with hate
The light has lost its way
And all she can do is live for that day

The End of Everything I Loved

2006-05-21T08:10:00.000+08:00

The day i wished with my little eyelash

It's happening all the time
When I open my eyes
I'm still taken by surprise
I hold sunlight and swallow fireflies
And it makes me want to cry

A monument to please these fallen dreams of mine
They rest at my feet, but I know how this ends.
Please bring me silence to the restless screams inside my head
They haunt me every time I close my eyes
I've had enough of it
Hollow and despised

But...I might say i saw it coming.

I hate myself for loving you

2006-05-20T16:23:00.000+08:00

Take your tears and put them on ice
It was built on nothing but lies

Today is absolutely horrible.

Sleepless night
Early training session
Long journey back, with a splitting headache and a dead ipod.
Angry Mum
Angry Dad
Still Sick
Dinner today is probably off :(

Aiya. In all it just sucks. Came back and watched The OC. Almost done, but Phob needs the com so i'll continue tonight, it's so sad. Especially the scene where summer relives the season one episode... and that seth says he doesn't love her anymore.. but he does, he SO does. It's so sad. BUT! ANNA! yay :) although i knew she rejoined the cast.. i still screamed when i saw her, was so happy! haha. Although i prefer her short hair.. :) The OC.. ahh. I don't know why some people like Ryan and Marissa i find their relationship so complicated and too dramatic and wrong.. I was so happy when he was with Sady and so sad when she left. :( I watch it mainly for Seth and Summer.. they're just so sweet.

I better go start on my work soon.. Social Studies Major Module is on Monday, Chem test on Organic Chem on Tuesday, Geography Major Module on Wednesday and English paper 2 on Friday. Ahh.. What am i still doing online. Oh fool, I shall go.

Everyone is just so Sad and Angry today.. Haha, Sophie.. everyone is Sangry today. =P

Loves.

The box is in the garbage

The Tomato is somewhere studying the Salad Dressing.

Slipping Away

2006-05-19T23:11:00.000+08:00

He whispers dreams into my ear
then delivers me my fear

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE! :D

finally home. i came home just now.. But i left like straight after i got dressed.. for my Mum's staff dinner.. I was such an extra :/. But's it's her one year and she wanted me to go.. so i went.. Was totally moodless, and it was such a pity cos there was good food. I was just sitting there stoning. But of cos i had my Phob and Smells. Love you so so much :)

School.. Where should i begin? Let's just say i'm glad to be home. The stairs is still a great company, of cos even better when Ying Fen is there with me and Stacy, my ever faithful imaginery friend. HAHA, Yingfen Sorry about today, my phone was ringing...soo,ya. Haha.
My math is still as hopeless as ever, ok, especially on this topic, Sophie and I have no idea what's going on in class okay, then we tell ourselves we are going to get down to it! and then we can't.. We're supposed to get "help"(like we're help-able) over the weekend.. I'm sure she'll find someone to teach her. I'll just die in class next week or get her to teach me in school. Ahh..Math.
Chinese O's are drawing sooo much nearer, I get nightmares of it, cos i think too much about it during the day, it's scary.

Training today was alright, tough, tiring, but good... Mrs Paul is leaving tomorrow, poor Coach. Dipna: I got a feeling he will be just really really sad.. kinda mood, not like angry mood? yeah. Oh well...How sad. :( Oh oh, training tomorrow. 8.30am! at Gombak. GOMBAK. Hope i don't have to go there by myself. No national training tomorrow, the team is in Tapei. Have not seen Daddy yet... He's still at work, in a meeting.. :(

English Paper One was today.. It was alright. Wrote about grandma. I was coughing like shit, it was so irritating, then my eyes started tearing. It was horrid. Body aching.. and i'm so tired, but i don't know why i just can't sleep.

OH! The singing competitiong was REALLY good. The chinese one was so competitive, my gosh. Everyone was just really good, they all could really sing man. I was like WOW. Track guys did not win :( but we still love them the same! they were great :) Ben and Tao Li were really good, the song they sang is so sad, too sad.. and they were just there. Haiy, It was really nice. I thought that they would win cos they were really WOW.. but Gabriel and Chong Zheng won, they were really good too. But Ben and Tao Li, they were just like really good, and did something different from the rest. But oh well, Well done everyone. To Fudin and Rahman too, great job guys :)

Okay.. Shall go watch The O.C.
Loves.

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

Empty Heart

2006-05-14T19:13:00.000+08:00

beautiful love

This sucks, I have fallen sick AGAIN. Oh wait, I never got better.. I've been sick since 400m on National Jrs till now.. But of cos it got better.. And now.. it just became worst. The voice i just got back... well.. losing it again. Flu is back.. And the cough never ending. Oh.. to top that. The damn freaking fever. My parents think there is something wrong with me. Kuku. Want to bring me somewhere to get me "checked". And what is so sickening, is that they not allowing me to go and watch a movie with Melissa :( but oh well, it's cos their scared/worried. Whatever. Not going back to school tonight, so gotta go back before morning training tomorrow. Which is before 630am. .... :/

OH, Happy mother's day. :) We ate Kartini for lunch cos everywhere else was full. But it was nice. Wrote mummy a poem, haha. She wanted one :) Flowers and BREE too. It was funny. Haha, and she was in such a good shopping mood, but i totally wasted it cos i was completely in a anti-shopping mood cos of the horrible headache and dripping nose. But i did buy something from Anna Sui :) Could not resist. It was having a promotion, if you buy it you get free lotion a bag. So...yeah. Haha. And they gave us this cool feather thingy just to test the smell of the perfume. Oh sister bought a new phone today. The music nokia one.. yeah. It's alright looking i guess, i really really like the golden flower swirly very pretty nokia phone. It's so nice, but no hope of getting it. OH well.. :( Bought a new memory card, finally. Lost my old one. Actually it got stuck in a computer. Yes. Nonsense.. It like fell in. So, i finally have songs again. :D

Chicken Rice for dinner, Mum and Dad have gone out to buy..I feel awful. Head spinning. I miss Dana, today we were talking about her and i got so sad cos i have not seen her in so long and like they see her everyday. Haha, she's so cute, for Mother's Day the school gave them a flower to bring back to their mums, she hit her mum in the head with it. Haha. So cute.. It's so sad how whenever she stays over i'm not home. :( And she won't come on the weekend becos she would be in her other grandmother's house. :(

So, i think i will be joining Genesis, hope i will be able to make it for the sessions.. You know.. I really think now.. that God does work in mysterious ways, I knew that nature or fate will take it's course but i never knew it would be so extreme, they must think it's really BAD. Genesis sounds like it is going to be fun! Especially the overnight bus ride after Youth Mass. Justin says he will join if Mel and I join, so we most probably will then, if we don't Remus' group will have 2 participants and so many facils. Haha.

Oh Melissa and I have decided to use the same confirmation name.. and we're most probably going to use Anna. Wait she does not know if she should use Kate or Anna. It is not a Saint's saints name but it comes from St. Ann. And Kate is from St.Katherine. So we can use it. And and! St. Ann is the mother of Mary! :) Therefore is the Grandmother of Jesus. Yeah! And St. Ann means Grace. St. Katherine means pure. :D

Okay. Time for dinner!
LOVES <3

And I'm never going back there once again
And I loved so much
I was afraid
And to sit here in the silence,
listen for cries, oh I,
I've been denied

Memory

2006-05-13T18:28:00.000+08:00

Bloom without regret

Training today was alright, pretty tiring. Trained with national team then did a bit with coach. Did passings, haha. OH bal. My brother is being so stupid, i told him not to look at me type so he went to the corner of his room and is using binoculars to read, he is so ridiculous, but so hilarious. I'm like laughing my head off. So he is reading whatever i am typing out now! Haha. Ass. Haha, it's too funny. Dipna! Sorry about all the screwed up passings. :(

Oh, i watched the video of the guy's performance, it is really goood. No, really. Good job man EX-soulmate, i was wowed. I shall not ask you to shut up everytime you sing in class every again. Sing all you like. Haha. That's if you sing like that everytime you sing in class.. Ok!? Ok.

Haha, was washing the dishes that day and Mum said i was too slow, so she indirectly told me to GO AWAY by asking me to clear the table.. I mean at least i tried to help, ha ha. Then she kept telling me the disinfect the table, the sink and the stove... and each time she was like disinfect disinfect.. and i found that word so irritating to say so we named the disinfectant BREE. So from now on we can't call in the D word anymore.. haha. It was hilarious.. we were laughing like crazy, she wanted us to bring in the clothes.. so we went out just grabbed them, folded them how we wanted to(just to bring it in) and she was like "Noooooooo.. not like that" and she started doing it her way, and my older sister and I were like. Wth.. haha. It was funny.

Went to church today for the Genesis thing. We were pretty late, about 45mins? Yeah.. i was like still at home. Told Melissa and Justin to wait for me at the vending machine. Went in and they were playing dog and bone. haha yeah. Then the next activity was to find cards hidden in the room with our names and like quotes from Chapter One and Two of Genesis, Melissa and I could not find our cards, nor could anyone else. So we came to a conclusion that we did not have any cards although Remus insisted that we did. Yeah. We did not get them in the end. We got another one though, but it was the spare ones, don't worry we got over our sadness. It was fun, hope i will have the time to go for the other sessions, Mel Justin and I are in the same group, so that makes it better too :) GABRINA! If we join, come too okay, and then join our group, it would be half as fun without you. <3

Sophie has left :( Will not be back till tuesday.. means i have to go through one day of school without her! 2 WHOLE periods of Social Studies and Chem and English and one of Math. Ahhh :(

Ok, time to get ready for dinner.

I rest my head
Between the bed and sky
Download my dread
Disarm my mind
Make it dry

Nothing in motion, and i'm satisfied
No disappointment,
until i wake up
Don't want to wake up

Mission Impossible turned possible

2006-05-12T22:08:00.000+08:00

mission impossible

turned possible. I mean, he does it in the end right, so what was so impossible about it? hahaha. just watched it with my family. It was gooood. Dizzy at some scenes though, everything was so fast, zoom here zoom zoom there. My head was spinning. But it was good, scary but goood. so those who have not watched it.. GO!! and and.. really hot guy too, not tom cruise but the other one.. the one that acted in err, bend it like beckham. YUP, him.

I might faint......

Training tomorrow all the way at Gombak, Ahhh.. that means have to wake up extra early in order to get there on time! right? right. Need to sleep soon. I'm getting tired already. Feeling quite giddy, think it's from the hotdog i ate, feel like puking. Not a nice feeling. Oh, Yingfen, please call.. you might regret if you don't k, trust me on this. Call that person... please.

OH OH. I can't wait to watch/hear the singing competition in school! I heard the trackers are really good, according to Dipna. :) the best infact. Can't wait. Gonna be so exciting!!

This may never start
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
Feelings insincere

This may never start
Tearin' out my heart
I'd be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
Feelings disappear

i was born to try.

When Morning Comes

2006-05-12T16:57:00.000+08:00

when morning comes

feel the burn
feel the demons come to mix
fill the street with madness
don't lay your hands and lesions over me
fall instead where midnight dies
and morning comes
feel it here the silence

there's so much life here
and so much pain we forget
there's so much life as morning comes
and its real the silence

see the sun forever falling
let the set back slip through the cracks
keep us safe from ever crawling
let me know a life so sweet

say you wanted love
and you want it to feel so real forever
well remember why you have come
and all the shit that's caving in
is gone forever

and it's real... the silence.

what's left of me

2006-05-11T22:07:00.000+08:00

what's left of me

home home home home home home home.
i'm home. long weekend ahead but i have a feeling it's going to ZOOM by, boredom kills. Gotta do chinese homework. Will do it. O's coming! 18 days more. That is not very long.

I feel like shit. Okay, when do i not feel like shit. But at least i feel a tincy shit better than the other days where i feel like shit. Make sense. OH! i just cracked my wrist. Only one side though, the other one does not seem very happy to be cracky today. Oh gosh, muscles are aching like crap man. It was like non stop since tuesday. And like today when we were doing lunges and half squats and everything.. AHH... we lived. Well done people. The pain. But we love it don't we. :D

Sophie and I were supposed to watch the chinese singing competition but Sophie was talking to her coach for quite some time and by the time we were ready the thing was over. But it's OK! we can watch the finals. So we decided to walk to vista point to eat cos we were starving as always (i'm not an anna ok), and we cut across the green field cos she said it would be faster. and i was like NO, cos i was scared but she insisted, oh my gosh it was the longest walk across ever! And there was this gigantic frog that like was jumping around us, and i was screaming and she started screaming and we were screaming and grabbing each other. And then she scared me and said there was another one right in front of me and i was so freaked. It was so scary and grassy and slimey and gross. Love ya REAL captain sangry pants. :P

I've been looking all over for a princess sparkle pony, but can't get one. Maybe i just gotta search harder. Anyone who knows, would be so kind to tell me. :)

Supposed to go pick beloved Modesto up from the airport, but we thought it was at 2pm but it s actually at 2am, so we can't go.. Sorry Modesto. We were really looking forward to showering you will our love upon your exit through the sliding doors signifying your arrival back home, but i guess the fab 4 has to reunite in school on Tuesday. LOVES.

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your risin' sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new

i'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies.

Mr.Brightside

2006-05-07T19:59:00.000+08:00

I wasn't prepared

This weekend was the most boring weekend ever. I did NOT step foot outside my house, except of cos to buy dinner last night. Other than that, i've just been here at home. Did not do much just pigged around, wasn't in the mood to do anything. Sigh. I want to lay in bed and rot. Oh, one good thing i did was finish MVP.. although it's quite sad to cos i have no mvp to turn to now. Yeah, the last 2 episodes were really very very sad, but of cos the ending was nice, although quite abrupt, but at least i know their together, ah, whatever it's just a show.. but still. it's so sweet and nice.. and sad but nice.

OH! Mummy and Daddy came home :D they decided to come back one day early. I'm really happy and everything.. But i saw Daddy for like 5mins? gave him a BIG hug and then.. he had to rush to the office because 4 new guys are coming in tomorrow and he has to get some stuff ready or whatever. So it's either i have to take a taxi back to school or... he might come back or uncle kk. Something tells me, i have to take a cab.. oh well. I don't mind, right?

Yeah, Chinese Paper One prelims was on Friday, think i really screwed up my compo.. the letter was okay. But yeah, i should not have done that smoking question.. stupid me. Oh, and yingfen tried to call me, but i did not answer all her calls cos i was not at my phone, so i'm super sorry, but then again i did not try to call back. Oh, freak. Haiy, Whatever. OH i also watched the OC, my love :) But it's gonna be sad when i come to the episode where Summer and Seth break up but then someone told me ANNA:) brings them back together. Yeah. So YAY. :D But then, it's sad again because once i'm done there will be no more OC to watch. OH NO. What would i do then.

I better go pack now.

are you hoping for a miracle?

The Longest Story

2006-05-07T14:45:00.000+08:00

The Longest Story

far past these roads
there is a place
where all our precious dreams remain
someday i know
i'll find a way
to keep myself from holding on

stay awake with the sound of my voice
i'm restless from the silence in the air
i want to be somewhere i can see the roads
a place where everytime you breathe a wish comes true
i want to be where love is real
and memories of distant days come to life again

inside this room
time will stand still as long as
we're not aware of change
the world outside
leaves me behind by myself
there's no mercy for those who hold on

stay awake with the sound of my voice
i'm restless from the silence in the air
i want to be some
where i can see the roads
a place where everytime you breathe a wish comes true
i want to be where love is real
and memories of distant days come to life again

Far Away

2006-05-06T21:01:00.000+08:00

Today was not a good day. Did not go out.. stayed home and now i'm so tired. Just watched Ever After.. its so nice... and sad but of cos it has a happy ending therefore making it nice.
Yeah.. It's just very nice. Those people who have not watched it before i strongly encourage you to go watch it. You'll melt.
Sigh... School.. tomorrow. Already. How fast. Did not do much work today, but finished my Narnia book 1, shall go start on 2 soon... oh ya and i better stop fighting with Yingfen. But this time i'm not calling to say sorry, maybe i should? Ah, forget it..But.. Ah, whatever. Went out to buy dinner and had to wait forever for one packet of hokkien mee.. and then crossed over to get the rest of the food. I bought Wanton mee for myself, but i ate like a few spoons? Cos, the packet they put it in right, is like those styrafoam ones, so like all the sauce came out, so like my noodles was DRY. So ya. DANA!.. tomorrow. Church, i wonder what time mass we are going for, i better not wake up at 1 plus again. Sigh, only get to see mummy and daddy next week, nevermind, ONLY one more week right.. right. Can't wait for the next overseas trip, just get away from this place. Argh.. take me away please.

Anywhere would do, anywhere. Just away.. far far far away. Where i can scream and laugh and cry and it will be okay,somewhere where i don't have to pretend to be happy, to fake the smile on my face, somewhere where someone, anyone will tell me that everything is going to be alright and i will believe him/her. People tell me that all the time, but you can't believe them, you choose not to. I'm not asking for a miracle, just a reason to believe.

Is that to much to ask for.. Is it? Sometimes i can't believe this is happening to me, then i know that i probably called it upon myself. But can't i dream, dream of a place where every day the sun shines brightly upon you, and the flowers bloom and the smell just overwhelms you and puts a smile on your face. Can't i long.. long for something beyond anything i know i can get, Can't i deserve something..something i never dreamed off. Can't i... speak and not be judged by every word that comes out of my mouth, Can't i breathe and know i deserve to be alive. And when night falls in my utopian dream.. Can't i yearn for a place, where i know that when i look beside me, I am not alone.

Ergh, i'm so full of shit. But i just want to be happy again. Screw it... But... Urgh, Nevermind.

I miss you so

2006-05-06T14:25:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to go out today :( but can't. Gotta do housework, homework and take care of my younger sister. Sigh. Better get started soon. I already wasted so much time, i woke up at 110pm.. i can't believe it. I've never slept for so long.. wanted to sleep longer, but i looked at my watch and i was like FREAK. Oh oh, the glass i'm drinking from now was made in TURKEY. *ahem dipna. :D

OH! My sister bought her boyfriend lunch and not me.. so im starving. That toot. But she thought i was going out.. so i shall excuse her. Cooked instant noodles, urk, does not taste nice. Apple Juice taste weird to. Wait, maybe it's just me.

Ok, i'm going to go drown myself now, see you in my next life.

Where'd you go

2006-05-05T22:34:00.000+08:00

Oh. Just these 2 days alone.. were depressing. I hate everything. I just want to run far far away from it all, but i know i can't because i'll just have to keep coming back.

SAD
1. No one is home
2. I miss Daddy,
3. now mum too
4. The air con is spoilt..
5. Homework load is insane
6. Training.. now what can i say
7. Shoes i wanted did not have my size
8. some extra shit.. as always.. so, whatever.
9. Object A
10. B C D E F

Kill me now. OH! got kicked out of the library cos i ate a seed, and no eating is allowed in the library. So she was like.. "Valerie, out" and i was like SHIT.. those darn seeds.
Went for dinner today with Big Mama, Shobi and Shanti, bought them dinner at Kartini's. Ate alot, cos the food was great.. actually it was alright. Now just sitting around hopeful in my room hoping that i will at least some noise outside.. but screw it.. dead silence. But i borrowed Narnia books, 1 -3 so i'll read those to keep me occupied. Almost done with the first one, it's so good and exciting. :) Can't wait to read the rest, there are 7.

Oh oh, and 2 episodes of mvp await me. Oh i was listening to Behind these hazel eyes and the lyrics were freaky. But.. love that song. Mummy called :D.. said she's doing fine, having fun. Daddy too.. yeah. I guess they need their break? muscles are aching like shit. Like everywhere.. So tired. Wish Yingfen was here. Actually no, we might fight. Well i just wish someone was here. I miss Dana, she always makes me happy, but i heard that she's coming on Sunday, i can't wait, she's as adorable as ever.

What should i do now... what what what. Can't sleep, can't sleep, can't sleep.. La La La. Oh, right. Coach set goals for us today, and i was like all quiet so he thought i was unhappy with it, but it wasn't that, it was just everything else, and just being there. I feel quite sorry, i know he is very angry with me.. but he's extremely patient. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me but.. Ya. I'm a shit and like shit in everything i do.

I just wanna go out, be away from home.. just anywhere.. but i have no where to go. Everywhere is probably closed. Maybe i'll go to the beach and just sit on the sand and eat ice cream, shall take a walk there. After training, since i had to go home myself i wanted to not go home straight but just go somewhere and eat and sit, until i got tired and then take the bus home.. but couldn't cos sister was waiting for me at home.

DIPNA! egypt and turkey. HAHA. :D

Behind these hazel eyes

I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong
no I can't breathe, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
i'm torn into pieces
can't deny it, can't pretend
broken up, deep inside
now all that's left of me is what
I pretend to be
sewed together but so broken up inside
I dont cry on the outside anymore

The words from the song meant something to me.. the rest didn't yeah. But it's just so.. yeah. The lyrics are so strong.

SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF ME

HAPPY.
Ha Ha. Who the fuck am i kidding.

HOME

2006-05-03T15:57:00.000+08:00

Night
I can't sleep... MAYBE.. just maybe i should not have slept so much on the plane. BUT you can't blame me, there was NOTHING to do on the plane. Really nothing, no TV. So i slept for like the WHOLE flight, to Doha and from Doha, except for waking up to eat the ..... food. And when we were taking off this baby could not stop crying, don't know if you call it crying or screaming, whatever it is, the baby could not stop. The food was, not as good as on the way there. And the plane smelt like piss the minute we stepped in. Before we got on the second flight Yvonne and I were already sleeping at the airport while they were playing cards. The transit was like 4 hours, but it felt like a lifetime. Really. It was horrid. And like everywhere you turn people were like smoking like there is no tomorrow. There was this lady the delegation leader for one of the contingents, she was never without a cigarette in her hand, it's like immediately after BREAKFAST, POOF there was a cigarette inbetween her wrinkled fingers and she was puffing away, the worst thing was that she did it in front of her athletes. Yup, i know. Madness.

Ok, i know i have to sleep, but i can't close my eyes, No no, i can close my eyes but i can't close it so that i fall asleep. Ah, whatever. Have to go back to school tomorrow morning, Daddy is still in Taipei so i got to go to school myself. Mummy will be leaving for Taipei on Friday, to meet Dad.. and then they will be coming back on Monday. Last time i saw Dad was last Thursday when he sent me off at the airport, been a week already, and i can only see him next friday.. cos i'll be in school. SO LONG.. damn. Miss him so much.

I only have 2 more episodes of MVP left to watch, wanted to continue watching but forced myself to save it for the weekend, if not i have no more MVP to watch and that will be so sad. Like although this is my second time watching the entire 2 seasons it's still as sad, and nice. And then.. it's gonna be over in 2 discs and the the first time i watched it was like, 3 and a 1/2 years ago.. Wow. Did not know it was that long ago.

Ahhhhhh... It's so sad. too sad. But still... nice. Nice. Yeah.
Ok, i am going to march into my room now and force myself to SLEEP. ... at least i'll try. Horror and the pain of reality awaits me tomorrow. I must be prepared! hahaha. How corny.

LOVES.

Day
HOME! :D
HAPPY!
????????????
MVP!!!!!!

feels good to be home.. although i still wish i was away from this place.
Despite the chaos and mahem that bombarded the streets of Lebanon during the day.. it's like when night fell all that distractions just became vague and you realize how beautiful and peaceful that place really is.. it's great. really.

the competition was alright, not what i expected, but hell load of fun. Many different countries were there, most were ones i never competed with before.. (dipna and i were in love with this turkey guy) yeah.. and it was just ... nice.

On the first day we like had a billion and one encounters with death as we were ammatuers when it came to crossing the road, you need lot of experience. We almost got hit by cars a million times, and what made it worst was that the direction of the road was different so at first we were like looking at the wrong side.. so we would like scream like crazy and RUN across the road.. and then just next to us see like experienced local people strolling across.. crossing the road like it was the easiest thing to do alive.. when trust me, it wasn't.

We went crazy with photo's, snapped away.. and we went insane with card games.. especially cry wolf. At first it was really exciting cos we were like screaming our lungs out at each other, most of the time bal, dipna and i, but then after awhile the excitement died.. most of our free time was spent in Dipna's room, it was the HQ. haha. ( i roomed with michelle :D ) Michelle taught us so many fun games.. HAHA. SHITHEAD! CRY WOLF! and... that drinking game. that was SO fun.
We had like these coupons to exchange for drinks during the competition so each of us had like four and we did not use it till the last day, we collected like 20 plus cans. And to top that in our rooms we had like still somewhat quite filled 5litre bottles of water. So we played the drinking game until our bladders were like exploding.. but it was so fun, but quite pissing off at times especially at the waterfall stage. But it was fun nevertheless, we laughed like crazy, especially chris and balpreet.. just them laughing made me laugh like crazy.

we filled the cans with water too! haha. Bal and Calvin were at each others throats for like the whole trip!? but it was a friendly kind of thing. haha. yeah. OH OH! IRAQ was there! How cool right, and there was this extremely pretty girl.. and this girl? that was dipna's and my "fav"? hahaha. and OHOH. there is this 12 year old boy who is so talented, he ran with like people much older, and did well! He's amazing, really... no really.

The majorly cool IRAQ team, and all of US. :D
Oh, its not all of the iraq team though, a few of them. Their shirt is so nice, i mean cos it's iraq and all, and i made sure i did not leave without one. :D it was a good thing that EVERYONE stayed in the same hotel.. so fun.

Dipna and I spent so much money at goodies buying stuff for people, spent most of my money there man. Oh.. and Calvin refused to admit that Dipna and I were his soulmates..
But, we excuse him cos we know there is someone else in that heart? of his and we accept it, after all we have that TURKEY GUY. ahh.. faints. Oh and the hottest guy was the one from egypt, MICHELLE, you got a picture with him, but nevermind.. ahhh.. he's too hot.

There is just too much to write.. everything was just really good.

Coach and Wife: a BIG thank you for taking such good care of us.
Dipna: The trip would not have been the same without you :)
Michelle: Thanks for being a great roommate, johnny bravo/other cartoons partner and for listening to me talk ( when i finished all the fries and gigantic bun)
Yvonne, Khai Leng: :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Balpreet, Calvin and Dickson: You guys made the trip REALLY FUN!
Chris: Shut the fuck up. HAHAHA! KIDDING. :D

YAY. OK! it's time to unpack. LOVES.

Courage

2006-04-26T19:46:00.000+08:00

i'm leaving tomorrow.... have to be at the airport at like 545hrs sharp.. so early. and and.. i have yet to close my luggage to signal the end of packing because some of my clothes have yet to dry... sigh. i don't feel ready. but i gotta make myself ready for this.. i have to.. i just have to.

"fought" with yingfen.. i think it's my fault, but then! she said... urgh nevermind, i shall call to apologize later. Training today was.... weird. We ran 320m and 120m, Dipna and i. Bal ran 180m and 120m.. and oh my gosh! you know what coach confessed to us! ... that he cheated on our last 320m run! The timing we did was 2 secs slower than the timing he told us.. so he tol me i did 43.02 but i actually did 45.02! wtf right? he said it was suppose to motivate us.. i wonder if it did.. i don't think so. can't remember.

ya anyway, it was freakin HOT. but trust me.. not as bad as Monday. 12om was much better than the 320m.. so much better. surprisingly.. i think there is a hidden message to that.. but i shall not say it.. could be another reason, but i shall not say it either. cos.. ya. Then after training.. Dipna, Bal and I went to Mos Burger for lunch, then departed for home cos we all had yet to start packing.. i'm like aiming to pack light, and at the moment, i'm really impressed that i fit everything in that small thing.. but then.. i'm like super friggin worried that i forgot something! i mean that would be the utmost worstest thing ever! but i keep running my own little checklist through my mind and it seems like i did not forget anything.. but why don't i feel at ease? maybe i packed to little? I hate this feeling.

So i came back to an empty home.. again. and i washed clothes! :D hahas. and i did not spoil the clothes! i ironed too! Made beds, cleaned rooms, and put all the towels into their respective bathrooms.. and brought the clothes to the respective rooms.. my gosh.. after all that i was so tired.. i seriously did not know it could be that tiring ok.. poor mummy and aunty sarah. i was like panting so hard and talking to yingfen at the same time..

oh ya. yingfen.. just remembered.

I pulled out my long lost box of memories.. from primary school till now.. and it was so funny cos i read this letter my friend wrote and it said.. "haha...ok.. and stop talking about mvp" and its so weird cos i can picture myself doing it then cos i think i'm doing the exact same thing now.. haha! sorry dipna :p

anyway.. after all that drama.. i sat down on my faithful couch and watched MVP! it is as sad as ever.. i was like so depressed before watching it, while watching it and after watching it. It can't get any more sad ok.. oh wait it can.. i mean i know whats going to happen, but !! AHH.. i can't take this. I have to NOT watch it for one week cos i'll be in lebanon and and... when i get back. i would have to go back to school and therefore will only be able to watch on the weekend. I know!... you must be feeling depressed for me, but have no fear. i'll come around. I'll just think about it.. and smile :) nutcase, no shit.

OH! DANA is here again! LOOOOVE. she's the sweetest thing.. if you could see her.. you will fall in love with her immediately... hmmm. minnie :D

Waiting for mum to get back.. they went for dinner.. i did not go cos i just don't feel like eating.. been like that for a few days now.. i'm sure it's nothing. Need her to assure me that i packed all i need and am ready to go.. if she doesn't i wont be at ease.. and my night will be a disaster. So mum gobble the food down!

I wanna bring it! but it'll be stupid to.. stupid me. obviously i shouldn't bring it right.. why do i even let the thought of bringing it cross my mind.. i can't get any stupid-er. I'm glad i'm leaving tomorrow cos i'll be away from this place.. for a week.. but it's enough.. just away is good. anywhere but here. but.. i'm afraid of what awaits me there.. I pray.. I pray.. I just pray..
that.. i'll have the strenght.

Here i am waiting.. Abide in me.. I pray..

It's dana time. at least until mum gets home.. and then its... damn.. whatever.
Note to self: call yingfen.

King of Majesty

2006-04-25T21:28:00.000+08:00

BOOO!

training today was horrid. it was so freaking hot.. dipna, bal, calvin and myself were dying in the HEAT... and in the end.. we were SOAKED...training wise, it was alright.. starting blocks.. sledge.. jumps.. gym...after all that i had to meet up with Mae. Ate.. SUSHI. haha.

I came home... let me re-phrase.. i came home to an empty home.. and headed straight for the tv room and i put in mvp and from 3 till now.. i was glued to the tv.. watched 7 discs!? really wanted to continue.. BUT.. i stopped myself. If i didn't i would have been there till like.. shit. who knows? but .. i watched the extremely saddest episode of the show! it was just too sad... shit sad man. freakingest saddest episode ever. and then mummy came home.. thank god. thought i would have to go dinnerless second night in a row.. and then she cooked such yummy food.. i was like eating away.. it was so nice..!

OH OH! the love of my life is downstairs.. i smell all baby-ee.. DANA is here! yes yes. Hmm.. she's staying over!!! she's the sweetest thing, i love the way she says "minnie" her favourite cartoon character and plushie... i love her. She took a shower and was in her cute towel and laughing away cos she was running away from her grandma. haha.. she just brightens your day.. especially after you just watched an extremely depressing show.

320m tomorrow... wish me luck. muscles are aching like crap. BUT i can do it right!? RIGHT. leaving on thursday.. gotta pack tomorrow..mum warned me. She said.... oh nevermind, i shall not say. Daddy is so busy nowadays.. gotta go for training myself.. he's just too busy at work or something like that.. and he's flying off to taiwan on thursday. Today saw him for like 2mins? then he had to rush off..

YINGFEN! i called you like a billion and one times but kept getting your internet dial up thing.. and i know you can't read this anyway cos you can't use the internet.. but OIE! you have not called me the whole day you bum.

Oh.. i better go online and watch the video fudin wants me to watch. haha, supposed to watch it yesterday but did not. so i shall today. OH.. and coach had a talk with me today. AND... oh. nothing.

HAHA.

Rash is getting worse.. itching all over.. so sick. itchy itchy scratchy scratchy. I WANNA WATCH MVP. right now... but i can't. dana is sleeping there.. but i really... wanna.. can't sleep anyway... DANA! i'm gonna go see dana now!!

HAPPY?

2006-04-24T21:46:00.001+08:00

LA LA LA.

i'm HAPPY.

it's been a fucking while...
i'm HAPPY.

H.A.P.P.Y
and i'm not gonna let anything bring me dowwwwwnnnn.....
i'm sick of being sad... angry...
i know the truth, truth-truth, truth-truth-truth... so don't blame me for being more hateful.
that's how many times you lied..
and the stories you made up.

i am happy today.. i went to the beach and went shopping after. sunburnt face... -bad.. but nice pajamas and new slippers...-good. i have a best friend ever. that i know will always be there for me... and understands me like i understand her.. i know i can turn to her.. and she t0 me. BFF... and i know it.. and you know it too! i really had fun today... and haven't had that in a long time.. missed it. LOVE you to death.

Rash + Babush
Theodore

OH OH OH.... i have double training tomorrow! and my muscles are reeeeally aching...
and i really wanna watch MVP qing ren.. the next episode is gonna be so irritating and sad. cos angel makes herself fall down the stairs and makes it seem like its xiao xi's fault. bitch ... but i'm sooooooo tired.... and i'm gonna sleep soooooon.

I love it... it's so sad.... and nice... when they play.. and its so sweet..

Sipping the happy fuel.

oh who am i fucking kidding.

2006-04-23T21:45:00.000+08:00

i guess it worked....
and... and... whatever you are doing...
its working....

you're driving me crazy...

you can only hurt me so much more..

it's just the things you will never know..
the things you never bother to find out...
the hurt you never know you cause..
the lies you never know you tell
the games you never know you play

i just watched 10 things i hate about you.. and here's the poem from it! found it. haha... it's so sad when she's reading it.. she's like crying and all.. sigh.

10 things i hate about you

I hate the way you talk to me.
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare
I hate your big dumb combat boots.
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick--
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh --
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it that you're not around.
the fact that you didnt call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you - -
not even close,
not even a little bit,
not even at all.